Musings and Amuzings during a Training !!

Classrooms bring in fond memories, don’t they? Right from fun, to punishments, to teasing, to cheering; everything about classrooms are special. It had been quite some time since I sat inside a classroom and hence when I got this opportunity of

Image courtesy: Google

attending a four-day training programme along with a few other colleagues on project management, I was super excited.

The training programme turned out to be insipid and all I was left to do was observe people and things around which gave birth to this post. So, here is point by point account of what I saw and what my brain thought during this training period.

Day 1: It begins

10:25 am	Reached the venue. Lost the way in the huge building.. Somehow, asking around helps and I reach the training centre on time.. Super excited about the training. Which means being legitimately away from office and office work.. Yipee !!
11:00 am	All the goody goody things are over with the organizers wishing that the program helps us in future and other such blah blah blah…
11:10 am	The customary introductions .. And then the lecturer goes on to announce that the training is for 35 hours which is a compulsory requirement in case one wants to become a certified professional. So far so good.
11:11 am	First bencher asks: “But this training wouldn’t be for 35 hours? If we count 8 hours a day, and given the four days training it would come to 32 hours and not 35 hours.”  What an observation!! We all look at each other in disbelief about the depth of question asked by him. Some suppressed giggles by people around and some disbelief looks later; the lecturer replies to his insightful question – “We can extend a few hours if the training doesn’t get completed on time” The first bencher nods and smiles.  So much for the love of training !!!  :P
12:30 pm	People start shifting in their chairs with pained expressions on their faces due to the continuous blabbering of the lecturer.
12:40 pm	I look at my watch.. Damn it’s just 12:40
12:45 pm	I look at my watch.. Damn it’s just 12:45 ??? Is my watch working ..?
12:48 pm	Another first bencher has given a few examples about his software atleast fifteen times by now. Okay, so he is one of those teacher’s pets types. The kind I am totally allergic to.. Puke.
2:00 pm	Yay.. Lunch time.. Everybody shares their mutual pain of sitting through the boring lecture and those super uncomfortable chairs
3:30 pm	While I drift off into my own world, I ask myself - What can be the new things I can write about in my blog ?? Some 3,489 ideas later I stumble upon this stupendofantabulouslyfastasmagoricallymagical idea of writing a post on my thoughts during this training itself.. Me! Little genius ;)
3:45 pm	The Software guy is on the roll.. He throws his examples at every instance possible.. Puke Puke
5:55 pm	Yay!! Yay!! Yay!!  Baji bell aur ho gayi chhutti…

Day 2: Torture on the roll

11:00 am	We have a pretty girl in the class.. This time she sits right opposite to me.. I notice her and then I notice who else is noticing her.. A few people seem to be stealing glances. Ahem Ahem ;)
11:05 am	Yawn Yawn.. Counting the number of people yawning away to glory… It’s 5,678 times that the phenomenon called yawning has occurred in this drab room full of people uninterested in listening to somebody who is speaking something about something K
12:30 pm	I throw dirty looks at the person who keeps on asking unnecessary questions again and again and again..
12:40 pm	Words such as ‘iterative process’, and ‘critical path’ fall on my eardrums and I nod at the lecturer as if I am listening to things intently..
12:45 pm	Can I throw a water bottle or some heavy piece of furniture at the person who keeps on giving his software examples again and again?
1:15 pm	Can I kill myself with the stationery? Or better, kill the lecturer..
1:20 pm	Whatapp and FB come to rescue.. Somebody already updated their status as ‘Bored’ - ‘Same here’ I say to myself.
2:45 pm	I try not to fall asleep by keeping my eyes wide open.. Observe observe, I say to myself.. And I observe the oh-not-so-good fashion sense, the pale white colour of the walls, the chipped nail paint of the pretty girl, another girl trying to eat a chocolate clandestinely and a sea of blank and emotionless faces..
2:55 pm	I throw words such as ‘change of law’, ‘technological upgradation’ and ‘cost overshooting’ at the lecturer just to let her know I am around :P
4:21  pm	Wondering why can’t some hurricane named ‘Bipasha’ or ‘Kareena’ hit the city here so that electricity goes off !!
4:22 pm	My colleague asks the person serving tea if he could have two for himself.. See, there are others as well who are finding it difficult to stay awake, not just me :P
4:25 pm	One of the persons has at last dozed off.. literally and the pretty girl makes signs for showing it to me.. I continue the trend and notify my colleague about the same.. We stare at him, smile and continue the trend of notifying others
4:35 pm	I remember a joke about lecturers which said that they have a bad habit of speaking when others are sleeping.. Seems true here as well
5:55 pm	She mumbles something about time management.. Probably unaware that she had already overshot her time of finishing her lecture.. Day 3: Heights of Boredom

11:00 am	Why is the hurricane not hitting this place, I wonder?
12:45 pm	Urghhh.. these uncomfortable chairs.. every few minutes people try and shift in their places to make themselves comfortable.. But these chairs seems to be designed to make humans uncomfortable :P
12:52 pm	The lecturer speaks about some output process.. My phone beeps. It reads: “Output here is boredom and we are supposed to prepare boredom management plan”  I chuckle at the cost of being caught !!
1:30 pm	I notice that the software example guy is silent today. He seems to have run out of his examples too!! Thank Heavens for that.
3: 00 pm	I am on self imposed ‘shut up’ spree today.. Not a word spoken in class.. Don’t wanna sound too intelligent you see, people around might get complex :P
3:15 pm	A thick layer of boredom has settled on the entire class.. No moving, no shuffling in their places.. Eerie silence except for the sound of the lecturer’s mumblings
3:45 pm	If the hurricane is not finding its way here, can I remove that wire of the projector so that the entire thing goes off ?? Na rahega baans na bajegi baansuri !!
4:05 pm	The lecture reads from the slides about quality management. Probably unaware that her quality of keeping the class engaged is not that high. Of course her quality as a ‘Boredom Inducing Machine’ seems to be of ISI grade  :P :P
4:15 pm	The boredom inducing machine (BIM for short) speaks “This activity blah blah blah is the non value adding quality of the project” Her mere reading of the slides is also a non value adding activity to this training programme.. I think !!
4:35 pm	I notice that I am sitting on second row and I might be missing out on all the fun happening at the last benches.. Make a mental note to myself to sit at the last bench tomorrow..
4:46 pm	We are on some risk management thing when my phone vibrates to a new message from the colleague – “Don’t take so much risk that you get exposure towards high sleeping doses” :D Some people have creativity for sure.. I smile sheepishly ...
4:48 pm	Yawn, yawn, yawn.. everybody, everywhere..
4:50 pm	I think I should atleast listen to something from the training. Decide that I would pay attention now for some time.
4:52 pm	Damn. I have the attention span of a two year old… Where is tea ???
5:00 pm	Okay, so I have been reprimanded by BIM for not paying attention.. I try to become smarty pants by asking her some random question but she catches me.. Damn her..
5:15 pm	I receive a message from a colleague : “Risk of this training is that we may not be inclined to take any further trainings J” I want to laugh loudly at this but I make a straight face and stifle a giggle.. no more reprimands required.

         

Day 4: Finally …

10:30 am	My plan of sitting on the last bench is ruined.. Buggers!! All the last benches already taken..
11:15 am	BIM is teaching communication. Probably unaware that her communication skills are right at the bottom of the pit..
11:35 am	I haven’t forgotten yesterday’s reprimand. I listen to BIM but stare blankly as if she is speaking Gothic..
12:05 pm	My spinal cord seems to have frozen.. The uncomfortably designed chairs have been doing their work to the best.
1:00 pm	I think about the feedback form about the BIM to be filled at the end of the training and I smile sheepishly at the thought that it doesn’t look that good for her.  ;) ;)
3:00 pm	Signboard at my brain’s entrance: “Numb. Not able to register anything more”
3:25 pm	One of my colleagues is drawing lotus flowers and some other thoughtful designs on his book and other one is watching a video on his mobile, while I try hard at understanding Gothic :P
4:14 pm	The BIM says she has one last presentation for us which would only require her to read the slides.. Duh !!! Doesn’t she know that’s she has been doing just that since last three days…  Mere reading of the slides.. huh!!
4:37 pm	She has asked the software examples guy to read through some slides.. In between he reads “We BORING” instead of “We bring…” He seems to be reading people’s minds, I guess…Everybody gives everyone a ‘yeah-he-is right’ kinda look..
5:15 pm	YAAYYYY !!! I SURVIVED !!!! J J J

All I can say after all those thoughts is that boring classrooms can bring out the best of people’s creativity in the form of doodles, intricate designs, mind sharpening sudoku exercises, mastering the art of sleeping without snoring and of course, the blog writing skills !!! :P :P