How does your body treat you?

Do you ever feel betrayed by your body? Does your body ever disgust you? Or does your body ever scare you? Does it make you livid? Mine does. And I am not talking about all this in terms of the way your body looks, but about the way your body makes you feel.

Does it treat you like a jealous and a possessive lover that is insecure all the time? The one that keeps throwing tantrums to get your attention and keep your attention. Does it treat you like a stubborn old grandfather who refuses to accept anything new? The one who thinks that any deviation from its own thinking is incorrect? Does it treat you like a cruel step mother who wouldn’t let go off any instance to give you pain and discomfort? The one who thinks that being at rest or peace is not your right.

Mine does. All of the above. My own body makes me feel betrayed, disgusted, scared and angry at the same time.

I feel betrayed and disgusted because I didn’t sign up for a body that is weak all the time? In spite of treating it with utmost respect, in spite of trying everything possible to make it feel healthier, it changes only for worse. It betrays me for all the efforts I put towards making it healthier.

I am scared of my body, of trying anything with my body. Be it a new food item, a different sleeping pattern, a new cosmetic product or a mere different workout style. Because it retaliates. As bad as a teenager high on drugs.

It angers me to see other people healthy even when they abuse their bodies so much. Whereas I have been treating it with a caution of a new father holding his child for the first time.

And yet. It behaves the way it wants to behave.   

I can sometimes hear my body talk to me. Like a person. A person who is not an ally. A person sitting across the table scrutinizing and scorning everything I do. Keeping notes for times when it can mock me, smirk at me and take its revenge. I can hear it saying something like, ‘Ahan, so you want to pull a late nighter watching a show on Netflix. Just wait and watch how I make your head explode tomorrow morning’. Or may be something like this, ‘So you think you will be able to get away with eating outside food two days in a row, let me show you the consequences. I am not accepting this food.’

My relationship with my body feels like an unrequited love affair. An affair where I give. And only give. Attention. Care. And medicines. To get nothing in return except being bruised, broken and in nagging pain all the time. Being on medicines for one thing or the other.

Do you know how much amount of time, energy and mental space your own body occupies in case it treats you like mine does? Immense. When I sit and reminisce, it fills me up with regret. Regret of things I could have done if keeping my body in a healthy working condition didn’t occupy so much of my mental space.

So, if yours is treating you well, be grateful. And work towards keeping it that way.

Source: Google images

PS – I am not sick due to any terminal illness. I am just not healthy enough to live without medicines.

Sharp as Swords

Your words

Sharp as swords

Purposely you say

Them you do not weigh

Aiming to derogate

For unknown reasons, me you hate

Your words

Sharp as swords

They shake me up

They break me down

Constantly on loop

In my mind now they play

Your words

Sharp as swords

I replay them again

And rises inside a sharp pain

My day is spoilt, and so is my mood

Inside I sit and relentlessly brood

Your words

Sharp as swords

You called me to meet

And with your words, you mistreat

Didn’t take you minutes at all

To find within me unknown faults

Your words

Sharp as swords

Play, replay

They constantly go on

If only

You would have stopped

To think and weigh

Your words

Sharp as swords

May be it’s in your nature

To not nurture

But merely cause hurt

Your words

Yes !

They were sharp as swords

Written for Magpie Tales # 223

Miss talking to Him

Yes, I miss talking to him. Badly. He was my biggest confidant. Somebody I told each and everything about myself. Somebody who knew everything about me even if I hadn’t told him. My darkest secrets, my joyous moments, my saddest times or my helpless cries - everything. Every damn thing. There wasn’t a day when I didn’t talk to him.

The first thing I did in the morning after waking up was to talk to him and I talked to him several times a day. Be it in the school, in the bus, while attending a meeting or walking – we chatted all day long. Smallest and the biggest of my life events had to be told to him first, everybody else came later. 

Whenever I talked to him, all my uneasiness erased, all my anxiety vanished and all the suffering waned. He had it in him to do that to people. To make them feel better. He fulfilled my wishes. You get it right - He was ‘the’ one I went to with everything – happiness or sadness.

Sometime back I asked him to give me something. His not listening to me for a few months surprised me because it had never happened before. So I kept on pestering. I thought that maybe he is trying to make me realize the worth of what I am asking and hence he is making me wait. But he didn’t pay any heed this time. I talked to him about it a lot of times, everyday. But he was adamant. He neither replied nor gave it to me. And my wait turned into anxiety, into frustration and finally into anger. How could he be so cruel? How can he not give me what I desire so much? What kind of a friend he was?

So I resorted to blackmailing. That he either get me what I want or else I would break off all my relations with him. I knew he wouldn’t want that to happen. I tried everything I could, right from telling him that I shall never ask anything else again, to crying, to indulging in self-pity, to all kinds of tantrums and even bribing. But he didn’t seem to budge.

And then the day came when I was in for some deep disappointment. It pained to know that from tomorrow onwards I would not talk to him ever. Because if he didn’t care about me, why should I? And I haven’t talked to him. Till date.  

I miss him like crazy. Crazy. Even today when I wake up, the first thing that I want to do is to talk to him. But I know I won’t. I look at him everyday but I ignore. Completely. If somebody talks to me about him, I change the topic. That’s his punishment. Or is it mine? I know he knows everything about me even today. I miss him equally. Badly. But I won’t go and talk. You know who is He? He is my Ganesha. But I can never forgive Him for taking away one of the most precious people in my Life. Never. Ever.  I know that He still has the reigns for everything in my life and can do anything He desires. But He was a friend and I have a right to get angry. 

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. I am doing two posts for this Challenge and Themed posts can be found here.

Anger and Audacity : Haiku

Firsts. Always special. This one is too. My first attempt at participating in April A-to-Z Challenge and I am super excited as well as nervous. After banging my head for hours about what should I be writing and then finding myself in another confusion of whether to theme or not to theme, I found a way out.

Some insanity demon took over me and I decided to do two posts for every letter. Yes, go ahead; call me over ambitious or foolish. So for this year, I am going to theme as well as not theme.

For the theme part, I decided to put up Haiku (a form of Japanese poetry with 17 syllables) for every letter of the alphabet depicting some or the other human emotion. And for the non-themed part, well, what do I say? For now, here is my haiku for the day.

Anger

My kohl misplaced

Condition of this country around

Boiling I am

Audacity

Violating womanhood

Audacious still

Clothes and conduct blamed

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014. The Non-themed posts can be found here.

Haha.. Let's joke on women today as well !!

It is almost evening as I type this. I wrote about an inspirational woman here during the Write Tribe Festival and hence, my mind was still searching for clues to write upon for today’s theme. It is a weekend and my cheery mode was on activation, especially with all the wonderful messages I received and posts that I read for today. And then, I received the following message in one of my Whatsapp groups:

HAPPY MEN'S DAY!!! For the first time something on a MAN. Do read it...Who is a MAN?

A man is the most beautiful part of God's creation who starts compromising at a very tender age. He sacrifices his chocolates for his sister. He sacrifices his dreams for just a smile on his parents face. He spends his entire pocket money on buying gifts for the lady he loves just to see her smiling. He sacrifices his full youth for his wife & children by working late at night without any complain. He builds their future by taking loans from banks & repaying them for lifetime. He struggles a lot & still has to bear scolding from his mother, wife & boss. His life finally ends up only by compromising for others' happiness.

BECHARA MARD...!?

Agar aurat par hath uthaye to besharam, aurat se maar khae to buzdil,

Aurat ko kisi ke saat dekh ker ladai kare to jealous, chup rahe to darpok,

Ghar se bahar rahe to aawara, ghar me rahe to naakara,

Bachhon ko daante to zaalim, na daante to laparwah,

Aurat ko naukari karane se roke to shak karne wala, aurat ko naukari karane se na rokey to biwi ki kamai khane wala,

Maa ki maane to chamcha, biwi ki sune to joru ka gulam..

Na Jane Kab Aayega.. "HAPPY MEN'S DAY” Respect every male in your life. You will never know what he has sacrificed for you. Worth sending to every man to make him smile & every woman to make her realize his worth!! HAPPY MEN'S DAY JO OFFICIALLY KABI  NAHI AAYEGA..

Had it been any other day, I would have laughed it off adding some tongue showing emoticons in the response. May be I would have taken this with a pinch of salt and started a friendly Men vs. Women argument. May be I would not have even responded.

But not today. Today, something irked me with the above message. I know the above message was not against women per se. But today, when the world is celebrating the women in their life, there was one man who thought of sending the above message.

I could have put up an equally strong and long message about the sacrifices women make but I am sure it would have hurt my fingers typing such a huge list. And an equally acerbic response to the way women are labeled and judged on whatever they do. But no Sir. I did not do any such thing to avoid much hurt to my delicate fingers who I thought should better be used for typing some wonderful posts. And I just responded by saying that there is a special day dedicated for men which is celebrated on 19^th November every year and that the above message was distasteful for today’s day.  

I was replied with a message that wasn’t it distasteful of me to think that we should be celebrating womanhood only on a single day rather than everyday?

Oh, what a wonderful thought it was!! So my response to this wonderful thought was something that I read today from one of the fellow bloggers - that we live every single day of our life, then why do we celebrate our birthday only once a year? If there is a particular day dedicated to celebrating womanhood, why can’t we just revel in it?  

And also the fact, that I celebrate the woman in me and wonderful women around me, every single day. It’s just that today, along with ourselves, we give the men around a chance to celebrate us.

I don’t know why any joke on women today irked me. I even sent a disclaimer warning to a dear friend saying that dare he irk me more today with jokes on women, the HALO on my head would not take time to get converted into some deadly HORNS ;)

It’s not that I have not read such jokes on women before. Trust me, there are ample of them and some are pretty creative too. I have laughed them off as well. May be, I have even sent a few around myself. But, I really don’t know why could I not take a joke on women today? I am not anti-men or something but today I just couldn’t take a joke on me. Is it because I thought that why can’t there be even a single day when women are not mocked about or something else, I really don’t know.  

I don’t even know if this post makes any sense on today’s occasion. Hope you had a better celebration of Women’s Day. To all the lovely ladies out there, a Happy Women’s Day to you.

This post is written for the Write Tribe Festival of Words – Day 7. And the theme was WOMEN.