Showing posts with label Expectations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Expectations. Show all posts

Sunday, 27 March 2016

The Lovers and The Leavers

The lovers who turn into leavers. The leavers who you try to take as lovers. You sometimes have an inkling from the very beginning that they aren't meant for you. That no matter how much they mean to you, you are never going to be as important for them. You see it coming. Their absence. Your expectations. And the combined hurt.

You probably have thought about it in your head. You think that you will survive through this too. After all you've seen worse. You've felt far more unwelcome in their life while you were with them. I mean how much could this hurt? How bad could it be? Maybe that's why you have prepared yourself for it. Rehearsed the whole scene. Tried to guess the reaction. Yours and theirs too.

Then why did you have that lump in the throat? Why did you have to reprimand yourself all the time to be strong. You wanted to feel that it wasn't hurting. But it actually was.

That's when you realize that no matter how much you prepare yourself for someone's leaving, you are never going to be prepared until the precise moment comes. That every person in your life leaves their impressions in you.

That every person who leaves, adds to the emptiness. That every time you find someone to distract you for a while is creating a bigger hole inside you.

That's when you start living the froth. Showing the foamy parts of you. The prettier version. All made up. Because you don't want anyone to see the hole. In the hope that one day, maybe even you would not be able to feel it. Maybe. Maybe someday.

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Miss talking to Him

Yes, I miss talking to him. Badly. He was my biggest confidant. Somebody I told each and everything about myself. Somebody who knew everything about me even if I hadn’t told him. My darkest secrets, my joyous moments, my saddest times or my helpless cries - everything. Every damn thing. There wasn’t a day when I didn’t talk to him.

The first thing I did in the morning after waking up was to talk to him and I talked to him several times a day. Be it in the school, in the bus, while attending a meeting or walking – we chatted all day long. Smallest and the biggest of my life events had to be told to him first, everybody else came later. 

Whenever I talked to him, all my uneasiness erased, all my anxiety vanished and all the suffering waned. He had it in him to do that to people. To make them feel better. He fulfilled my wishes. You get it right - He was ‘the’ one I went to with everything – happiness or sadness.

Sometime back I asked him to give me something. His not listening to me for a few months surprised me because it had never happened before. So I kept on pestering. I thought that maybe he is trying to make me realize the worth of what I am asking and hence he is making me wait. But he didn’t pay any heed this time. I talked to him about it a lot of times, everyday. But he was adamant. He neither replied nor gave it to me. And my wait turned into anxiety, into frustration and finally into anger. How could he be so cruel? How can he not give me what I desire so much? What kind of a friend he was?

So I resorted to blackmailing. That he either get me what I want or else I would break off all my relations with him. I knew he wouldn’t want that to happen. I tried everything I could, right from telling him that I shall never ask anything else again, to crying, to indulging in self-pity, to all kinds of tantrums and even bribing. But he didn’t seem to budge.

And then the day came when I was in for some deep disappointment. It pained to know that from tomorrow onwards I would not talk to him ever. Because if he didn’t care about me, why should I? And I haven’t talked to him. Till date.  

I miss him like crazy. Crazy. Even today when I wake up, the first thing that I want to do is to talk to him. But I know I won’t. I look at him everyday but I ignore. Completely. If somebody talks to me about him, I change the topic. That’s his punishment. Or is it mine? I know he knows everything about me even today. I miss him equally. Badly. But I won’t go and talk. You know who is He? He is my Ganesha. But I can never forgive Him for taking away one of the most precious people in my Life. Never. Ever.  I know that He still has the reigns for everything in my life and can do anything He desires. But He was a friend and I have a right to get angry. 




This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. I am doing two posts for this Challenge and Themed posts can be found here.

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Expressing Envy and Expecting Excitement : Haiku


Express
some with proficient words
others good with deeds
ways to pour out insides

Envy
something within me
which obviously you lack
that makes you go green

Expectation
small or big they
root cause of disappointments
yet nobody untouched

Excited
month long blog carnival
discovering anew
getting discovered




This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014. I am doing two posts for every alphabet. The Non-themed posts can be found here.


Sunday, 12 January 2014

Grimace : Haiku

Perfection she
Sip of coffee, Grimaces I see
Problem, for me?


*********************************


Still some pages to go              
Acknowledgements I see
Why so fast did I read?



***************************************



That boastful neighbor
My child would top and she would see
Ah, her results 


 *********************************************


With oozing wounds        
Grimace on the face
Yet he ran to finish the race




This post is shared with Haiku Heights # 317 and the prompt is GRIMACE

Sunday, 5 January 2014

To Beautiful New Beginnings !!



Yes, the first post of 2014 it is ! *Happy Dance* The moment the dreary old clock on the drawing room wall showed 12 am on 31st December last year (ah, the happiness of writing 2013 as last year) blaring music all around reached a crescendo, firecrackers lit up chilly December sky, greetings flew down from all corners, telephone networks jammed, Facebook walls flooded with New year wishes, Whatsapp continually buzzed, that very moment, the first thing that came to my mind was ‘To Beautiful New Beginnings’.

Image Source: Google
Yes, the optimist in me was at her highest high totally drunk on the idea of Hope. Yes, Hope that the upcoming year would usher in happiness and its fleet within my life. I did write about how my last year fared here and yet my dear Hope doesn’t seem to leave its premises within my heart. It has found a permanent residence inside me. I too let her be, let her occupy a rent free space inside me. 

We have become kinda best friends - not leaving each other in any circumstances, she always riding on my mind guiding me with her teeny weeny torch through thicker times and me always holding her hand in small and big occasions of life.

As everybody wished me a Happy New Year and I reciprocated with mutual warmth, I asked myself what did I wish for myself this New Year. And this is the answer my heart (which now totally speaks to the tunes of Hope) gave me.

It is the Passion that keeps you burning
May you keep it alive and continue the learning

May of big Dreams your eyes be the carrier
But you reel out efforts to achieve even Bigger

May you meet some amazing People this year
But may you keep the current best ones even more near

May you read some great authors
But may you be able to Pen yourself even better

May your materialistic wishes this year come true
But, may you Grow as an individual in spirituality too

May happiness in your Family ensue
And may you be one the reasons of their happiness too

May within your soul Happiness be found
But may you also spread a lot of Cheer around

May the negativity within you subside
But may you be able to remove fears from other’s insides
  
Life always smooth, may you find
But if it gets stormy, may you find Faith to withstand and fight

May every passing day Outshine the earlier
May this year you be nothing but all the more happier



And now, I would end this post with an ‘Amen’ for all of the above. J J  Happy New Year Friends. By the way, what did your heart wish for?

Friday, 27 December 2013

Gift wrapping a Future Country for my Child !!

I am just another citizen of this country. Yes, the kind who sees the sorry state of affairs of this land, cribs about it, laments at the condition and may be even write about it at times ranting about the happenings around. And just like my fellow Indians, I am cynical. I am cynical about the future of this country. I too worry at times about where would all this stop and how far could the condition deteriorate more.

But, yes, I do dream. Dream about positives. Dream about things getting better. Sensing hope with change in some political movements happening in the country. Feel proud when ‘mango people’ get acknowledged for their efforts.
And one of the dreams of this just another citizen of this country is a dream where some small changes happening in the country, may be, may be would lead to bigger modifications being brought in the political, economic and social  scenario of my country. May be we could be living in a better place.

A country which has fought its battles, a country which has at times been wounded, at times even lost but gradually it has become a country which has not only survived but also emerged victorious defeating the very enemies of its existence. It is such a country that I would want to gift to my child for his/her secure future.

A country free from clichés of Gender based roles: No matter how modern this country grows, no matter how much development takes place, the clichés of gender based roles still remain. It was the same when my mother was a child, it was the same when I was a child. But I hope, whenever my child comes to this world, the situation would have bettered. I wish I could gift my child a country where gender parity exists. I wish my child would not be judged on the basis of his/her sex but on the basis of his/her capabilities as a person. I wish my daughter would be able to guilt-freely handle her multinational company position and my son would not be critiqued as being hen-pecked for helping his wife in the kitchen. Ah, I so wish.

A country which is a Safe Haven: As I told you earlier, yes I have ranted about it before on this blog. But trust me, even writing about the current safety conditions of women in the country seems to be such a mocking exercise at our own self. It’s as if we have become so accustomed to hearing about these incidents these days that any new incident hardly hogs some corner space in newspapers and some quick rumbling by news anchors, leave aside the possibility of it creating some stir within our souls. I sincerely wish my child doesn’t have to see or go through this phase. I wish I could gift my child a country where safety is not a luxury available to few. I wish my girl would never have to worry about her safety while moving to another city or while coming back from her office late at night. I wish my son takes the safety of women around him as his own moral responsibility. I wish just like my wishes for my children, others too would have wished the same and would have molded their children accordingly. I so wish.

A country free from Pollution and Adulteration: Yes we all know about the effect pollution has on us. Yes it is dangerous. But, hazards of industrial pollution? What about the threat the improperly disposed bio-medical waste poses for your health? You don’t even have an ounce of idea about the ghastly effect the pollutants being emitted from those factories have on your body systems. And adulteration. The shocking truths rather not be told here. Because I know, you have read about it earlier, here and there. Because I know you would skim through this paragraph if I rant about it more. But being a part of machinery that deals with these day in and day out as a part of my job makes me worry more. And hence, I wish I could gift my child a country which has its pollution checks under control and adulteration be a word unheard of. I wish my child doesn’t have to inhale those hazardous emissions and would be able to have food that doesn’t reek of adulteration. Yes, I so wish.  

A country sans the Scams: I know I know looking at the current scenario, it seems impossible. I know there are thousands, big and small ones, going on right this very minute. But still I wish. I wish I could gift my child a country free of scams and corruption. I wish he reads about the gory details of scams and corruption in history books. I wish my child is able to trust the people who run his country and believes that they are doing his good and not only their own. I pray that he isn’t cynical like me about the future of the nation and has the flame of hope about the bright future of the nation always alive within him. Oh yes, I so wish.

A country discriminative against Discriminators: Discrimination on the basis of religion as well as promoting people from your own caste, we have seen it all. Communal lobbies exist in all walks of life, be it society, politics or your work life. I wish my child never sees them, rest alone faces them. I wish I could gift my child a country where he is judged, promoted or otherwise only and only on the basis of his mettle as a person and not just because he belongs or doesn’t belong to a particular section of society. I wish I could gift him a country where he is never asked to quote his surname for showcasing his abilities. Yep, I so so wish.

So, these are few wishful wishes for the secure future of my future child. They are here because I believe that if my country’s future is safe, my child’s future would be secured too.





This post is a part of the 1001 Gifts Activity by HDFC Life in association with BlogAdda.





Sunday, 17 November 2013

Mr. Know-It-All

So, you think you know it all
You think you alone stand tall?
It’s what you think is always right
But, ever thought from other’s viewpoint?
Snapping at wife
Fired the employee
She didn’t know how to cook
He was unaware of how the presentation should look
The children don’t score as much as you did
Maid doesn’t know how to close that expensive jar’s lid
Ever wondered about the efforts they make!
Is it only complaints in your head that you bake?
Wish you knew, living with people like you is not at all a walk on the cake!!




P.S. -  This post is written for - 100 Words on Saturday hosted by Write Tribe. The prompt is So, you think you know it all

Sunday, 20 October 2013

Ignorance of expectations – Indeed a bliss !!




BlogAdda - WOW

Faizal was in awe of Neha, his best friend and colleague Animesh’s girlfriend. Animesh was giving a treat to Faizal for his engagement to Neha at KFC near their office. They seemed so much in love. And Neha, she was such a beauty. She carried herself so well, knew how to dress for the occasions, took part in conversations related to cricket and politics, truly a beauty with brains thought Faizal. Neha and Animesh were to get married next month just like him.

The mere thought of getting married saddened Faizal. After all, his was not a love marriage. He was getting married to Shabana who chosen by his parents back home in Lucknow. He had met her once and that too for a brief period during which he had just known that she had studied till 12th standard and cooked mutton biryani very well. How he wished that Shabana was a little more modern and behaved more like Mumbai girls. But, do all wishes come true?

*****

Eight months in the marriage and yet Faizal was never fully satisfied with Shabana and kept on bickering about something or the other. Shabana, on the other hand was as dutiful as possible. Faizal kept on insisting her to dress like Mumbai girls, behave a little like them but Shabana found this very odd. She couldn’t understand as to why her husband did not want her the way she was. After all, she was performing all the duties a wife should be doing. She kept his house clean, fed him warm food and run the household as efficiently as possible. But Faizal? He had a completely different image of a life partner. Nevertheless, he had accepted Shabana as his fate. But in heart of hearts, he wished Neha could make his wife become a little like her. He longed to make Neha and Shabana meet each other but always decided against it thinking about the inabilities of his wife to present herself before others and hence hardly took her to meet any of his colleagues or friends.

*****

It was yet another mundane Monday morning at office. Faizal was immersed in his work when Animesh came and sat by him. He was not his usual chirpy self. Faizal got worried.

Faizal – ‘What’s the matter Animesh? You seem to be worried since a long time. Is everything ok ??'

Animesh – ‘Faizal, you know it’s been just eight months since I have been married. But I really don’t know man, what does Neha want? I have been trying to be such a good husband all the time. I go home and help her out. Even on weekends, we do the household work together. I try and put in as much effort to keep the marriage going but she is never satisfied. I am really confused man, her expectations are beyond my comprehension. What do these modern women want out of their men? I just can’t figure out her expectations.’

*****

Faizal reached home that day in a confused state of mind. He didn’t know what to make out of Animesh’s problem. Neha, the beautiful and vivacious Neha was giving his friend a hard time. As soon as he rang the bell, Shabana smilingly opened the door. Took his laptop bag and offered him a glass of water. She went inside to fetch something to eat for him. He knew she would have cooked something fresh just before he arrived.

He thought that howsoever orthodox his wife was in her ways, at least he never had to crib about his married life to others. Shabana never gave him a hard time. He always had peace at home. For the first time after his marriage, he felt he had a good married life. Thank god, he didn’t take Shabana to meet Neha or else he too would be encountering similar problems of expectations of modern women from their men. Ignorance indeed is a bliss, he thought to himself.   




This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. We give out a creative writing theme each weekend for Indian bloggers. This week's prompt : To weave a post including, ‘Ignorance indeed is bliss, he/she thought to himself/herself.’

 



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