Xenolalia : 100 words

When Rehaan was three, he picked up hindi and urdu words. His family was amazed at his learning speed. As years passed by, he kept on speaking some incomprehensible words. Nobody in village understood what he spoke. The news spread like wildfire. Media got involved and it was found that he knew twelve languages at the age of ten. The world had found a new child prodigy. His fame grew wide and far. When questioned about how he knew so many languages, little Rehaan had no answers. Little did the world know that he remembered languages from his previous births.  

P.S. – Xenolalia is the ability to speak in a foreign language which a person has not learned nor been exposed to.  

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. I am doing two posts for this Challenge and Themed posts can be found here.

What is wrong with me?

Dear Diary,

Seriously, I am not able to understand what’s wrong with me. Everybody tells me that I am not normal like other boys of the class because I like to dance like girls. I read somewhere that dance is a form of expression and it cannot be restricted to gender. Isn’t it strange that girls are praised when they dance like boys, but I am rebuked when I dance like girls?   

I wish I had atleast one friend who didn’t see whether I danced like a boy or a girl but rather understood what dance meant to me. 

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. The prompt – ‘Your post must contain the word Friend and you have just 5 sentences to complete your story.’

Twenty Eight and Single – #ConditionSeriousHai

Today, my poor blog baby is about to witness its first official rant. Rant against some people jinki condition serious hai. My tongue is in a mood to whiplash. And let me tell you, all the characters mentioned here are not fictitious at all and definitely bear resemblance to a person living (who isn’t dead coz I don’t wanna write remaining of my posts on jail walls). So after you read this, if it feels that this post has been directed at you, then you are probably absolutely correct for once. Because, I am directing this at you. Read. Re-read if it doesn’t go in your head and once it goes down, please retreat to the safe chambers of your gossip gang but without the holding the baton against me.  So here it goes.

To my neighborhood aunties and some so-called relatives – inki #ConditionSeriousHai  

Yes, I am twenty eight year old  and still single. Yeah, now keep those eyebrows at their place and close that mouth of yours. My dear neighborhood aunties and relatives, I am so glad that your daughters got married when they were twenty three. Good for them. Good for you too. But that doesn’t decide what age I should be getting married. No. If you think that your daughter getting married earlier than me gives you a right to comment on what should be the right age for a woman to settle down, then let me tell you, ki aapki condition serious hai. By the way kuch lete kyun nai? Like some sense? You know why? Because there is no such right age. Shocking isn’t it? It is, because the right age for me to get married would be when I think I am ready for it. Surprise Surprise. I get to decide that. So now deal with it. And hey by the way, I am just twenty eight and not forty. So get your calculations right. I am really not that old that it should set your panic alarms ringing every time you see me. 

And when you keep on pestering my family about the repercussions of my ‘late’ marriage (which by the way is ‘late’ according to your standards, not mine), your serious condition becomes ever more grave. So, just stop freaking my family out, will ya? 

And your emotional atyachar about what would happen to my younger brothers and sisters if I don’t get married soon literally bores me to death. They are above eighteen and can get married whenever and whoever they want to. Do you think I would have stopped them if they ever wanted to? No. Never. I would be happy if they decide to do it before me. I get another chance to celebrate for them. So before your grave condition becomes even irreversibly damaged, kuch karte kyun nai? Like minding your own business?

And by the way, I just forgot to mention that I am not having an affair anywhere. Oh God, did I just rob you of your topic to bitch on for the next kitty party? Tch.. Tch.. Sorry. But, now since you have the word from me, why don’t you just stop whispering behind my back saying that’s the reason I am not getting married anywhere. And hey, even if that was the case, it is again me who decides when and whom I choose to get married to. Okay. So, let me remind you once again, ke aapki condition seriously very very serious hai. Kuch sochte kyun nai? Like something more meaningful for your own life?

To my dear ‘just’ acquaintances – inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai

My weekends are very special to me. Because that’s the time when I rewind with friends and family, when I write and when I basically laze around. So, my dear acquaintances, if you believe that hunting a guy for an arranged marriage every weekend counts in my idea of having fun on a weekend, then aapki condition about idea of fun is seriously very serious. 

Remember, I took a few days off last time. I did not go and meet any guy for the arranged marriage set up. No, I did not. Disappointing, isn’t it? It is to me too. When every time I come back from a holiday, the first question that gets directed to me is how was the guy which ‘you’ think I would have gone to meet. And when I say I haven’t taken a leave for that purpose, don’t give me that ‘knowing’ smile of yours. It angers me even more. That plastic smile of mine? That’s not a smile. That’s my way of telling you to just shut up and mull over your own critical condition because my holidays are not reserved to be spent only for husband hunting.

And, when you hear any of my friends getting engaged or married, your question about when am I giving you a chance to feast at my wedding has become such cliché. Hey, you know what, come this Sunday, let me treat you to a hearty lunch at a good restaurant if that’s the only reason why you want to see me married. But next time you throw me this question, I will purposely delete you from my guest list whenever I decide to get married. Because aisi serious condition mein, you shouldn’t go out too often. Tab tak, kuch lete kyun nai? Like a good look at your own affairs.

Dear acquaintances, when you ask me how many guys have I seen (seen as in for the arranged marriage set up) till date for the so-called ‘arranged marriage’ thingy, my answer ‘chal raha hai’ is just a polite way of saying that’s none of your bloody business. So just back off and nurse yourself. Because apki condition na, badi serious hai ji.  

To some ‘friends’ – Yes, inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai

Read this conversation I had on Facebook chat:

Friend: Hi. How are you?

Me: Hey, M good. Long time. How are you?

Friend: I am fine. Where are you these days?

Me: I am in Ahmedabad itself. How about you?

Friend: Are you married?

Me: Not yet. Happily Single.

Friend: Oh. Why? Why aren’t you married till date?

Me: *No reply*

Friend: Arrey, you should get married by now na. Why are you single?

Me: Coz I am on a mission to save Mother Earth from the impending attack of Mars and the reason I am not getting married is that when I receive a call for performing my divine duty of saving our Mother earth, I shouldn’t be stuck within a pile of utensils to be washed or laundry to be done. J

Friend: *No reply*

Me: You there?

Me (ten minutes later): It was nice talking to you by the way.

Yes, this conversation actually happened with a friend from school who I haven’t seen or talked to since ages. I mean why, just why is my marital status such great concern? And this was not just an off-hand chat that I had. A similar kind happened not once, not twice but thrice. Yes, it did. The only common thing between them being me not knowing those friends too well.

For friends who I have better contact with and who have had such conversations with me, just to let you know that if I steer the conversation into some other direction then that is my way of asking you not to enter into that territory. Please understand. After all, I don’t want ke apki bi condition serious ho jaaye.

Now that all seriously serious people have been warned by me, it’s time for me to hope that they get well soon. And till the time that happens, I am *off to saving Mother Earth from the impending attack from Mars*

This post is exclusively written for ‘#ConditionSeriousHai!’ contest powered by Cadbury 5 Star and Indiblogger. Check out their facebook page here: Cadbury 5 Star Facebook page                

Bitching, Literally !!

It's a BlogAdda WOW post

Top Post

Zoey:  Long time, where have you been?

Coco: Ah, don’t ask. It’s been such a long week. The family took me on a holiday with them.

Zoey:  Enjoyed?

Coco: Atleast it was better than making that aunt of theirs babysit me. She doesn’t know a thing, you see. All she keeps on doing is feeding me. I mean for God’s sake, we do not have unlimited spaces in our tummies. Then, she would scrunch her nose when I have an upset stomach. I mean whose fault is that? By the way, how was everything here?

Zoey: Haha, that woman. Oh, Coco, you have missed so much here in the last week.

Coco: Is it? What happened? I am all ears.

Zoey: You remember that hunky dory called Brat we have been eyeing since the family came to stay here last month? I saw him getting all worked up on seeing your next door neighbor. And then, I see both of them together in this park last week. Oh, you won’t believe how they were up to being so cozy away from the glares of their families.  

Coco: Oh my god, is it? Sassy, doesn’t leave anybody, doesn’t she? I mean, just a few days before she was with Bruno from the next lane, isn’t it?

Zoey: Oh yes, you told me about it. By the way, did you see Fluffy recently? The amount of weight he has been putting on is just so oh-my-god!! No wonder, that slim and slender Angie left him.

Coco: What else would she have done? Ah, yes, Angie was flaunting her new diamond studded band.

Zoey: One flaunting bitch, she is. Anyways, leave it. Why should we care about others?

Zoey: Yes, you are right. Let’s just enjoy this warm sunlight.

  

Image Source: Google

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda. The prompt was to write a short story/incident (200-300 words) from an animal’s perspective.