J - Judged

He:	Hey, what's up?
She:	As usual. Writing. Or you could say trying to write
He:	Good
She:	Nah, it's not coming out that well.
He:	Why is that?
She:	Well, what I am working on is not really my forte. Trying to push myself though.
He:	Don’t worry. You'll do well
She:	I hope so
He:	If you want I can give you my opinion about it. Send it across
She:	No, it's okay. I will be fine.
He:	Come on. I will give an honest opinion
She:	I know that. But I don’t really need it right now
He:	Don’t tell me you are scared of being judged
She:	If I feared being judged, I wouldn’t have been a writer. Being a writer is putting your innermost thoughts out on display. You are supported, loved and applauded for what you write. But you are also mocked, ridiculed and scoffed for what you write. When we write, we cut our hearts open and let our voices dance on paper. Sometimes when we write about our tragedies, we bleed through those tragedies again, at times we feel relieved but then we also feel disgusted at our own selves because it also makes us think that we are selling our pain. There are times when we cheat ourselves by writing about our lives under the garb of fictional characters. And sit back and see whether readers get moved by our tragedies or laugh at our idiosyncrasies.   The lives and sometimes even character of writers are perceived to be similar to what they have written. If that’s not called being judged, then what is?
He:	And yet you choose to write?
She:	Yes. Because writing is not a choice for us. It's a way of life. This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge - 2015

I - Impending Sense of Loss

She:	It's high time you recover
He:	From?
She:	From whatever that you are mourning
He:	I am sorry if I sound cruel. But you haven't lost anybody and I hope you never do. But you might never understand what I go through everyday. It's cruel, you know, to survive without somebody that meant the world to you.
She:	You know there is something much more crushing than the actual loss itself?
He:	And what would that be?
She:	The impending sense of loss
He:	Really now?
She:	Yes. The feeling of something precious slipping away from your hands. Claustrophobic. Helpless. Like you are drowning and now you are getting tired of struggling to stay afloat and the panic that hits you the exact moment when you feel lack of air for the first time. When your loved one is battling terminal illness, a dying relationship, an-about-to-break friendship, an unnamed bond that you had grown emotionally dependent upon going sour. Nothing is lost yet, but everything isn't the same either. Impending sense of loss. Hard hitting. You see the suffering in the eyes of the people, their difficulty in being with you and you want to set them free too but you just can't. Because you don't want to. Because you are torn. Between your own reasons to keep them with you and the relief of seeing them free. Like an invisible burden on your soul. The possibilities floating inside your head. The what ifs. The imaginary scenarios of everything going back to the way it was before. And then the realization that they are just what you thought them to be – imaginary scenarios. Like you have started walking on a bridge and just when you have reached the exact centre, that's when you realize that its oh-not-so-sturdy. And then you know that there is no way out because you cannot go back and cannot risk going ahead too. That's when you realize the meaning of the word 'stuck'. Stuck in a quagmire of not the loss but the impending sense of loss. This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge - 2015

H - Heart

He:	I am amused
She:	At?
He:	You obviously
She:	Me? Interesting. May I know the reason of your amusement?
He:	The way you are scared
She:	Scared of?
He:	Experiencing something as beautiful as love
She:	And obviously you would also know the reason for my fear?
He:	Not really. That’s what amuses me. Your reason behind this fear. What would have caused it? Who would have caused it?
She:	The reason is Me
He:	What do you mean by that?
She:	I am the reason for being scared of this beautiful thing that you term as love
He:	And what would that mean?
She:	That I do not need anybody else to do the work. I am enough for breaking my own heart. Every single time.
He:	And how do you achieve that feat?
She:	Just one word
He:	And that is?
She:	Expect This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge - 2015

G - Give Up on People

He:	Why don’t you give up on people?
She:	May be because I know what it is to be left behind
He:	So, you don’t give up on people because you are worried about them?
She:	No. Because I am also worried about myself
He:	Explain that now
She:	I know how it feels to be all alone and vulnerable and broken when you need just one person to stand by you, understand you or sometimes even just listen to you.  I know how it shatters you enough to never be healed again fully and not be able to go back to your naïve self when you loved with your whole being.
He:	Does it mean that you don’t give up on people even if they don’t deserve to be held on to?
She:	I just know that nobody deserves to be left alone when they need you. I will never forget or forgive that person who gifted me this brokenness. All I wish is not to become such a person for anybody else. This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge - 2015

F - Facebook Friends

She:	Why do you sleep so late everyday?
He:	Just like that
She:	And you keep on passing your time on facebook?
He:	Yup
She:	What do you keep on doing there? Doesn’t it get boring after some point.
He:	Well, I talk to people.
She:	Not all facebook friends are 'friends'. I hope you know that.
He:	I know. But it helps me somewhere.
She:	Helps you? In what?
He:	Seeing things through
She:	Explain
He:	Sometimes it’s these random strangers that understand you in a way even your closest aides haven’t been able to. These strangers have the ability to touch your soul deeper than your own blood. Sometimes, these strangers don’t let you down the way people in your life have. It's these strangers that can possibly lift you from the abyss that you keep falling into without any control. You know why?
She:	Why?
He:	Because they show you the mirror you cannot see or don’t want to see. And you know what, you ought to believe them.
She:	But how can you believe them? They don’t even know you.
He:	On the contrary, I believe them precisely because of the same reason.        This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge - 2015