Sunday, 11 March 2018


If there is one word that defines my state of mind since a long long time, it would be ‘careful’. That’s what I am these days. All the time. All day. All night. Whether at work or at home. I am careful. It feels as if I am walking on a glass world around me with everything so fragile that one wrong move on my part and it would all just come crashing down. And then, I wouldn’t have anything to pick up from the ashes. The shards would hurt me hard but I wouldn’t have any place to go because those shards were my world. The one I just shattered with my own incompetence.

The planets revolve around their sun on an invisible orbit. They don’t change their route. They can’t I guess. I feel stuck like them. On that invisible orbit around me. Any wrong path I take, any diversion, any digression and I will tilt the whole balance of the universe against my favour, leading only to destruction. Which means that I tread carefully, very carefully. In everything I do. In everything I say. Everything done is measured. Everything said is to be weighed. In a monologue with myself. The consequences of saying and not saying discussed. The repercussions of things done and not done analyzed. And all this weighing, this measurement, this carefulness is burdensome. So much so that it has started affecting my health, my well-being.  

When at home, I fear doing things that aren’t done in a way they are done. At work, I feel out of place. Last year, I did the mistake of making changes in my personal and professional life at the same time. And I think I have been ‘careful’ since then.  

I was never this ‘careful’. In fact, I was somebody who believed in disruption. Not in a destructive way, in a fruitful productive way. I read somewhere that disruption leads to growth. I used to be someone like that. Someone who believed in doing things their way. Someone who didn’t need to follow the norms. Not anymore though. Now, I am careful. Careful of everything. Careful with everything. 


  1. I don't actually know what were the changes made in personal and professional life, and if I were to take a guess, it has something to do with the new job or something like that. I don't know what exactly would happen, if you had to take a step away from that orbit, but is it that worse?

    I believe that one has to be careful, in general, but not at everything. And that debate in the mind pulling us apart to the opposite poles is toxic to say the least. I hope that amid all this walking on broken pieces of glass and whatnot, I hope you find the much needed balance and not worry about the repercussions. Having said that being careful is just part of life (I guess), but I guess it has to be selective. And if there is something you could change, you should definitely change things around.

  2. I think it happens to the best of us to tread carefully but you everything has a reason behind, to test you resilience and challenge yourself as a person. Be wary of the negative energy but observe while treading fearlessly.

  3. You need to be careful initially. Careful till you stand on firm ground, till you know you're unshakeable. And then you need to test the waters a bit. And finally, when you know you've assessed some calculated risks, you could go ahead and take a leap of faith.

    Of course, it's possible that you might end up losing something in the bargain,...You need to be prepared for that possibility.

    Till then, stay strong and strengthen your ship.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...