Things I want to feel again

1. Breathlessness after a good workout
2. The soreness of my eyes after a night spent reading, unaware of the clock 
3. The joy of tasting what I have cooked and it turning to be absolutely the way I had wanted it to be
4. The audacity to go anywhere without carrying any medication
5. The smell of parijat flowers blooming in my backyard
6. The glow in my eyes after writing my heart out
7. The wind on my face staring at the horizon,sitting in my balcony, tea in my hands, made just the way I like it
8. The jitters in my body on your touch, the flutter of my heart every time I saw you smile, the softness of my hands in yours and the warmth of the browns of your eyes on my skin
9. Listening to my favourite songs and feeling the rhythm inside me
10. Hope

Pic source: Me

The colour of everything I knew

The first thing I noticed about you and fell for, it was the colour of your eyes. When we were on the dance floor, it was the colour of my twirling dress. When you held my hand for the first time, it was the colour of the chandelier in the restaurant. When you made me laugh lifting my spirits from its dungeons, it was the colour I saw fading from my mood. When time stopped by as we intertwined our lips, it was the colour of the sky and promises of a happy future. When you took my breath away asking me to marry you, it was the colour of the ocean below us and its reflection in my tears. 

After our first misunderstanding, because you thought I was lying to you, it was the colour of my bruises. As I sat for days and nights crying, it was the colour of the door I pleaded into. While you abused my body night after night, it was the colour of my numbness. When you asked me to cook for you over a call with a voice full of kindness, it was the last colour I saw when I switched on the stove.    

 Day 1 : Picture prompt

‘I’m Writing Bravely for the Write Tribe Festival of Words – March 2019’

Last day of the month

I really like the last day of the month. Apart from the obvious fact that the next day gives the much needed oxygen to my dying bank account, I also like this day because every month, we witness emotions. In their rawest form. Let me tell you how.

 

Every last day of the month, a function is held by my organization for the retiring employees without fail. Entire organization gathers in the auditorium without fail to bid farewell to the retiring employee, irrespective of the class or cadre they belong to. It is a formal function where details such as credentials of the employee, his service time with the organization, what places he was posted and in which departments he worked etc. are read out while handing out the customary mementos to them.

But what makes this day special to me is the reaction of the retiring employee. Being a government organization, these people have worked with the organization for atleast a couple of decades to say the least. Decades. In the same organization. With the same people.

While they are on service, some are sincere, others frivolous, some boring, others chatty, strict or lenient, some brood in quietude, others whine in open.

But on their last day, they are nothing but emotional. Some cry openly, others hide their tears in their silence. Those few minutes on stage tear down all the facades they have been holding all through their service life. And what you witness is emotions in their rawest form. The way most of them break down when an auditorium full of employees from every cadre applauds their years of service. Most of them, unable to speak anything, being too full of emotions, with lumps in throats when asked to describe their journey.  

Decades. In the same organization. With the same people. Colleagues who turned into friends and formed strong bonds like family. Arguments with some, jokes around others. Experiences. Good, bad and others. Moments – embarrassing and proud ones. I think all these would be flashing in front of their eyes. And I guess those small moments flow down from their eyes. Without hesitation. With gratitude.

That moment. To witness that moment from this side of the stage is anything but a humbling experience. 

Jade - Haiku

paper looks jaded

words fail when I want to write

my feelings for you

Written for Carpe Diem Time Machine # 15 - Jade

I - Impending Sense of Loss

She:	It's high time you recover
He:	From?
She:	From whatever that you are mourning
He:	I am sorry if I sound cruel. But you haven't lost anybody and I hope you never do. But you might never understand what I go through everyday. It's cruel, you know, to survive without somebody that meant the world to you.
She:	You know there is something much more crushing than the actual loss itself?
He:	And what would that be?
She:	The impending sense of loss
He:	Really now?
She:	Yes. The feeling of something precious slipping away from your hands. Claustrophobic. Helpless. Like you are drowning and now you are getting tired of struggling to stay afloat and the panic that hits you the exact moment when you feel lack of air for the first time. When your loved one is battling terminal illness, a dying relationship, an-about-to-break friendship, an unnamed bond that you had grown emotionally dependent upon going sour. Nothing is lost yet, but everything isn't the same either. Impending sense of loss. Hard hitting. You see the suffering in the eyes of the people, their difficulty in being with you and you want to set them free too but you just can't. Because you don't want to. Because you are torn. Between your own reasons to keep them with you and the relief of seeing them free. Like an invisible burden on your soul. The possibilities floating inside your head. The what ifs. The imaginary scenarios of everything going back to the way it was before. And then the realization that they are just what you thought them to be – imaginary scenarios. Like you have started walking on a bridge and just when you have reached the exact centre, that's when you realize that its oh-not-so-sturdy. And then you know that there is no way out because you cannot go back and cannot risk going ahead too. That's when you realize the meaning of the word 'stuck'. Stuck in a quagmire of not the loss but the impending sense of loss. This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge - 2015

You

‘Earth to Mars. Hello. This is Earth to Mars. Can you decipher the signals, Mars? God !! You are not even listening to what I am teaching you. You have interview tomorrow, remember? You need to revise these concepts. You just cannot miss this chance, Abhay. You need to concentrate. Con-cen-trate. Do you hear me?’ Riya said waving her hand.

‘I am concentrating on something more important’ replied Abhay

‘Right. And what exactly is that?’ Riya said, getting irritated and closing the book in her hand.

‘You’

And he saw her lips curving into a smile that brightened his day.

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. I am doing two posts for this Challenge and Themed posts can be found here.

X'ed out : Haiku

X’ed out

changes within

alas, blame transferred on me

for your altered feelings

P.S. – X’ed out means something formerly important that is no longer significant.

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014. I am doing two posts for every alphabet. The Non-themed posts can be found here.