Friday, 29 August 2014

What if I run into you someday ?


Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers
Dear Someone,

Strange! Strange that we live in the same city, walk the same streets, cross the same traffic signals, see the same buildings, may be even visit same restaurants; every single day. And yet we have never crossed each other. Never. In all these years. In all these years, I have met people I have not wanted to meet. People have run into me at wrong times at all wrong places. But we? We have never run into each other. Never!

Sometimes I wonder if we live in such a huge city that we have never been able to meet coincidently. Is the city so painfully big that we never cross each other? I never realized the vastness of our city earlier. It wasn’t that huge when you came all the way to meet me from one end of the city to another. It wasn’t even that painful to travel to meet you every weekend. I don’t remember myself complaining about the journey ever. Was it because that journey ended in me seeing you? Maybe!

I have inkling that destiny is playing its part? Purposely not letting us cross each. Purposely holding us. Away from each other. May be because it knows the future already!

But, who knows, that maybe, maybe, last Saturday I sat at the same table in that restaurant after you left. Was that the reason I unconsciously chose that table inspite of having an empty table nearer to me? Were those fragments of your empty frame on that table that had tugged my heart for a brief moment at that time? Was that the reason that the waiter stared at me a little longer; maybe he too was recalling the times we went there together and recalling the arguments we had while ordering? Did he recognize the fact that we came one after another and not together anymore? Maybe he did.

Or maybe we sat through the same movie show. Of course, in different rows and of course with different people. I wouldn’t have noticed you in the darkness of that movie hall. The same kind of darkness that engulfs this heart everytime it realizes the fact its beats are no longer heard.

Who knows that you would have just crossed the same street just a few minutes earlier than me? Is that that reason why the air in some streets seem heavy to me without reason. No, may be not heavy. May be it just smells different. As if my senses recognize you. Still. Still.    

Sometimes, I wonder what if I run into you someday. What if, we actually come
across each other at that street passing near your office where I walked down to meet me you or what if you visit at the same time that swanky coffee shop (which you hated and I loved; although I do not know the reason as to why would you visit that place without me forcing you to tag along) or that shopping mall where I spent hours; not leaving the place unless boredom showed on your face and you threatened to leave me there right away which I was pretty sure you never would and you never did.

What would happen then?

Would you recognize me still? I hope you recognize me. I know you would. I would recognize you in the sea of faces around. In this lifetime for sure. May be in another too. Recognize me, ok? Coz I would.

Would you be formal and just say hi or meet me the way you met me earlier? With a hug. Would you hug me the way you hugged earlier? I hope you hug me. I know you would hug me. And I hope you hug me a little longer than usual as if filling in for all those days when you haven’t. Would that hug fill our hearts with the same warmth as it did earlier? Mine would. I hope it does the same to you. Hug me, ok? Coz I would.

Would you smile at me or feel awkward seeing me after such a long time. Painfully long time. For me, I guess. I hope you smile at me. I know you would smile at me. The smile that creates a dimple on one side of your cheek. Smile, ok? Coz, I would.

Would you talk to me in that same nonchalant manner? I hope you talk to me like that. I know you would. Would you ask me how I am doing? Without you? No. No, wait. Don’t ask me that. What if I am honest in my answer to that question? Please don’t ask me that question. Don’t ask, ok? Coz I fear what if I ask you the same question, and what if you too answer it honestly.   

Would you say goodbye a little too soon. I hope you don’t. I know you wouldn’t. No wait. Say goodbye soon. I wouldn’t want you to see my tears. I wouldn’t. But wait. You didn’t see them earlier and you wouldn’t see them now. Say goodbye at the earliest, ok? Coz I would.

You know what; I did run into you at that street near your home a few days ago. Just that it was only me who noticed you. Just me. No, I wasn’t hoping to run into you that day. I don’t remember hoping to run into you that day. I just remember that it rained that day. It rained !! After I ran into you.



Saturday, 23 August 2014

Five Sentence Fiction - Waiting

He is equally responsible for the project for God's sake and you should have atleast given it back to him for his unprofessionalism.’ she said
But I don’t know what were you even thinking at that time?’ she said fuming with anger now.
I tried, alright and you know I can’t..’ my sentence trailed off.
How can you say you can’t, are you ever going to learn ?’, she went on ranting.

The two voices fought inside my head, while I waited for some magic that would teach me the skill of saying things to people on their face during an argument rather than in my head after the whole scene was over and done with !!




Written for Five Sentence Fiction - Waiting

Wednesday, 13 August 2014

Bound and Tied


bound and tied
in confined spaces I lay
the world too small
but smaller are its thoughts
pleasure they gain
at nipping your wings
they haven’t flown
so how could they allow
that you be different
and follow your own path

bound and tied
in confined spaces I lay
choking
at their orthodox thoughts
hard it is here to breathe
I wish to break free
I long to just flee
flutter my wings
in those unknown skies
and follow hued dreams

the harder you try
to blend yourself into me
the harder
shall I bounce back
ferocious and fiery
bound and tied
I shall now not lay
the confined spaces
shall now
no longer contain Me !!




Saturday, 9 August 2014

Missing her :(

We all have friends. Different types. Some of them work their magic like those sleep inducing drugs that drown you slowly in their friendship and gradually the beauty of friendship overtakes your life. And then, there are some like booze. You are high. But if have them around you for a longer period of time, you risk being addicted to them.

J. belonged to the second category. Together, we were a madhouse. We didn’t get along like a house of fire; we got along like a City on fire (if there is something like that). Yes, it was this amazing. Instantly liking each other, instantly developing a rapport, instantly falling into the pattern of understanding the other person’s insanities equally well, coz you are like that too.  

I met her at my office. I still remember the day we first met. She had joined a little later than my batch and had come to meet me. I came out and she said, ‘Wow, you are wearing red, you look really nice, it really suits you’. And that was the beginning of an amazing friendship, which I never thought would go such a long way. For her small 8 month stint at my current office, the fun we had was unimaginable. Gladly, the friendship continued even after she left for greener pastures for which I still sulk at her.

Right from talking about clothes, to make-up to boyfriends, to 'ahem-ahem' to movies to books to restaurants, we have shared it all. From gossiping to bitching, to ranting or just being there for each other without judging, we have done it all. The best part about us was always being in-the-moment. Always talking about the ‘Now’. About what fun thing we are doing, about what new place we have visited and such stuff. It was always about present. Always. Future? Who cared ??

She got married and has now become a 'Non-reliable' Indian in the U. S. of A. I thought her settling there would affect us and this long distance would take a toll on our friendship. Surprisingly that hasn’t been the case. We have been talking even more often now. Which means her poor husband is paying for our telephone bills :P And boy, what have we been talking about? Or what have not we talked about? Right from her finding her new apartment, setting up her home, shopping (obviously), her new friends, her New York trip, if she faced racism and God knows what not.

Some time back she started thinking about Future. Yes, Future! Something that we never talked about before. And her one such talk almost pushed me to the edge of a nervous breakdown. Babies !! Yes, she was talking about having babies :0 I know it might be ‘the’ thing that every married couple thinks about, but discussing baby plans and that too us? The most fun-thinking, fun-having friends, talking about babies! The poor unmarried me could do nothing but nod.

There she was, my fun loving, never serious J. talking so maturely about having babies and bringing them up and why it’s the right age to do some things. And me, sitting scared under the table thinking about the horror of losing my awesome friend to a whiny mummy.

The next few days, I spent musing (read scared) over this. And the next time she called me up, I told her about the horror I have been going through. And she laughed! And boy, she laughed. I even thought about telling her to wait for me to get married. I mean, we done so many things together, you see. Yeah, yeah I know that was a little too much.

But while all this, I was thinking, how we change as people from time to time. The fun loving in-the-moment people change to future-oriented mature talking people. That’s just one example. I am sure most of you would have changed yourselves or seen people around you change. For good or for bad. And I know, it’s said that ‘Change is good’ and ‘Change is the only thing that is constant’ and other such blah blah but isn’t regularity somewhat comforting. I mean, knowing that people you know, people you love would remain the same always. Because then you know which people you should hang on since they would remain the same forever. The good ones would always be good. Then, you also know that you need to chuck the negative ones from your life because they would stay the same as well. I know it’s not really possible L

Nevertheless, after horrifying me with her ‘baby’ talk and knowing its effect on me, the older madhouse friend seems to be back. Calling me in the middle of the night, totally drunk and there we were, talking away gibberish as we always do! Sigh ! The small things ! The ones that make her smile! And the ones that make me too!!    

  

P.S. - J, I am missing you like hell L




Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Messed up !!


Top post on IndiBlogger.in, the community of Indian Bloggers
Maddening thoughts here
Sensible contemplations there
Things to be done
Regrets of matters undone

A strong tug here
A gentle pull there
Past beguiles to lie in its arms
Future stands luring with its charms

A whisker of imagination here
A touch of reality there
Thoughts of utopian life seems so soothing
Angst against hypocritical societal norms brooding

Some stories here
Few verses there
Fictional characters waiting to be created
Unfinished drafts still to be completed

Cheerfully bright here
Shades of greys there
Finding optimism in things day to day
Lessons that need to be taught right away

A little warmth here
Lot of angst there
Smiling faces of loved ones floating
Past deceits continually exploding

Messed up here
Chaotic there
A terrible place
My mind !!


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