in that irritated tone
for no reason
in that everlasting
smile
in every season
the anger that piqued
without your permission
in those excuses given
for canceling plans
in the fear of being
uncomfortable amidst new
and yet, in the
inability to say ‘no’ to even a few
in that obsessive
gulping on books and booze
and even in the
smugness that you choose
in judging your own
actions
and denying self-care
hinging your identity
to people
who are hardly there
living with the feeling
that you always belong
else somewhere
in feeling like a
walking apology
balancing everything on
eggshells
being somebody to whom
everything overwhelms
in lashing out
when you actually need
help
in the muffled cries
when on paper they are dealt
in being afraid to make
mistakes
the unending feeling of
everything
being always at stake
it hides itself
festering from inside
unprecedented, unmoving
visible, yet invisible
this unsolved, unknown
trauma
# Writing for NaPoWriMo attempting to everyday
for the month of April. Combining this with prompts from The Alipore
Post
