Sunday 5 April 2020

NaPoWriMo Day 5 - Home


I own homes, way too many
To remember each one of their addresses
In their articulate spaces
And yet I know, every single nook
every single lane, every other crook
I run my fingers along their edges
Nourishing myself, pouring them into me
I learn, I breathe, I bloom
Cherishing every stay
I return in happiness and in gloom
They hold me, they cherish me
Make me feel one of them own
I am taken to travel, I am taken to meet
People so many
Humanity, human psyche
Black, white, grey and everything in between
Emotions, unnamed, understated, unknown
I have known from these
I live amidst all the books I have read
In their pages
Lurking between their spaces
They have my heart, they have my head
No matter what
I wouldn’t trade this home for anything ever instead








NaPoWriMo Day 4 - Unsolved


in that irritated tone for no reason
in that everlasting smile 
in every season
the anger that piqued without your permission
in those excuses given for canceling plans
in the fear of being uncomfortable amidst new
and yet, in the inability to say ‘no’ to even a few
in that obsessive gulping on books and booze
and even in the smugness that you choose
in judging your own actions
and denying self-care
hinging your identity to people
who are hardly there
living with the feeling
that you always belong else somewhere
in feeling like a walking apology
balancing everything on eggshells
being somebody to whom everything overwhelms
in lashing out
when you actually need help
in the muffled cries
when on paper they are dealt
in being afraid to make mistakes
the unending feeling of everything
being always at stake
it hides itself
festering from inside
unprecedented, unmoving
visible, yet invisible
this unsolved, unknown trauma




NaPoWriMo Day 3 - Distance


the distance between us
can be measured in meters
but, the distance between us
cannot be measured










# Writing for NaPoWriMo attempting to everyday for the month of April. Combining this with prompts from The Alipore Post 

Thursday 2 April 2020

NaPoWriMo Day 2 - Patterns


lines, dots and crosses,
some twisted, some turned
a few straight, others overturned
molding gradually into soft designs
they must fit tightly into their confines
it holds you, beholds you
captures and enslaves
in its beauty, in its calmness
in symmetry and finesse
control your hands
and patient your mind
only then you will understand
that a Mandala is
not just some pattern and design





# Writing for NaPoWriMo attempting to everyday for the month of April. Combining this with prompts from The Alipore Post. I have suddenly become fascinated towards learning to draw a Mandala and this post talks about just that.  

NaPoWriMo Day 1 - Gentle


They say it hits you like lightening, sweeps you off your feet and makes you walk on moonbeams.

The books told me it would make you hear violins in the sky, fill your stomach with butterflies and make your heart flutter with bittersweet anxiety every night.

The movies showed that I would get lost all the time, smile unknowingly at strangers and burst into dance sequences in the middle of a railway stations.

I thought it would make me lose my sense of time, fill me up with candyfloss giddiness and let me dream with eyes wide open.

All it did was take off some invisible burden from my drooping shoulders, joining them with his own and showed me togetherness in everything. Who said love couldn't be gentle in its arrival?








# Writing for NaPoWriMo attempting to everyday for the month of April. Combining this with prompts from The Alipore Post 

Friday 21 February 2020

You know this person's story


I saw this image on instagram some months ago and my perspective towards individuals changed. I stopped myself in the middle of every conversation I was having in my mind about any person or situation and said just this one line to myself. – “You don't know his/her story. Why judge. Who knows what is making them do what they are doing or the way they are.” And that stopped every judgmental thought that came to my mind. 

Although, my behaviour never reflects my thoughts for the person or situation, like everyone else, I have erred many times. I still do. But now, I catch my thought process and stop my thoughts in the bud about people, about situations. It is exhilarating in some ways, seeing yourself free away from the clutches of your ‘sometimes’ judgmental self. 

But there is one person I cannot spare judgement on. There in one person who I judge the harshest, who I question the most, who I criticize the worst. I don't cut this person any slack, any time. Although, I know, I shouldn't. Although I know this person gets affected the most by my words and yet, yet I do not relent. I do not give up any opportunity for being anything but cruel to this person. And guess what, I know this person's entire story. I know the circumstances, the weaknesses, the struggle, the effort and yet I am hard. And these talks of 'Stop it, you actually know this person's story' do not work. 

And after I am done, what remains is an ashen bitterness in my mouth that rises from the gut and thoughts that feel toxic, as if they are covering my entire body. 

That person is ME. And all the pages about self-love, quotes about not being hard on yourself, posts saying that you are doing good today - do not work. They just don't. Out of all the love I have inside me for all the people I love in this world, I cannot spare any for this person. 

Monday 13 January 2020

Things I want to feel again

  1. Breathlessness after a good workout
  2. The soreness of my eyes after a night spent reading, unaware of the clock 
  3. The joy of tasting what I have cooked and it turning to be absolutely the way I had wanted it to be
  4. The audacity to go anywhere without carrying any medication
  5. The smell of parijat flowers blooming in my backyard
  6. The glow in my eyes after writing my heart out
  7. The wind on my face staring at the horizon,sitting in my balcony, tea in my hands, made just the way I like it
  8. The jitters in my body on your touch, the flutter of my heart every time I saw you smile, the softness of my hands in yours and the warmth of the browns of your eyes on my skin
  9. Listening to my favourite songs and feeling the rhythm inside me
  10. Hope




Pic source: Me



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