Oh, you have a Government Job??? Aish hai ..

BlogAdda's Tangy Tuesday Pick

The first thing that I hear after I tell anybody that I work as a Government Officer is this: ‘Aish hai’ (Read: You are really lucky. No work. Good pay and so many holidays.) I have lost count as to how many times have these words been spoken to me in different permutations and combinations. Each and every one of them remarking on how a government job is a dream job for them and that I am living my dream with no work and good pay. (Read bribes included) So yeah, this is a rant. Against the so-called stupid myths surrounding government officers. Here we go.

We work:

First and foremost. We work. As much as this sounds alien to you, but we, the Government officers work. I know it’s difficult for a lot of people to digest that we actually do something in return for the pay that we get, but yes, we do. We are concerned about projects getting implemented and work getting done on time. I agree it takes time to get your permission papers in place but that is not because we aren’t working, that is because we are bound by procedures. The procedures that are there to safeguard public interests.

Fixed working hours? Not always !

Another so-called perk that we Government officers ‘enjoy’ is that we have fixed number of work hours everyday. We do. But so does every other organization. And just like every other organization, there are days when we sit way past our official leaving time just to finish our work. Here’s a Ripley’s Believe it or Not for you: We have worked even on Sundays and public holidays. In offices and even from our homes. And you know what, we do not get paid extra for this extra time we put in. We do not get eligible for out-of-line promotions because in government, everyone is equal. You work or you do not work, everyone is eligible for promotion or pay according to rules. And yet that does not take away the dedication some of us have towards our jobs. 

Unlimited leaves - A big No

Picture this. A distant relative was celebrating her son’s birthday in a grand way and I was invited. I agreed but told them that I shall have to see if leaves are available. And then came the very expected remark. ‘Oh come on, Jyotsna. You are in government. You can take as many leaves as you want. We know you can manage’ I was told, followed by wink. And I could do nothing but stare in sheer surprise at the ignorance.

Here’s my reply. No. No, we cannot take any number of holidays at our will. Because just like our private counterparts, we too have bosses. As I said above, we also have work. We have procedures to be followed and plus we have limited number of leaves that are granted to us every year like any other organization. So our quota of leaves doesn’t get replenished all by itself any time of the year and hence even Government officers need to plan their leaves.   

We have rules:

Rules. We have them. We follow them. We dread them. Just like any private organization. We are known to be notorious for doing whatever we want on files. I beg to differ. The answer is again a big no. We have audit systems in place. We do have checks and balances. Yes, we do have job security. But that is not a gate pass for us in going around and doing things however we want. As I said, we have rules and regulations and policies in place that we are supposed to follow.     

We are changing:

Get over your image of old sarkari offices that you have in mind where babus are not to be found on their table and if found are just whiling away time looking for lunch and other breaks. Or the women are busy weaving sweaters or pealing pea pods for dinner. Sorry but that is the thing of the past. We are changing. We don’t go around running our personal errands in office time.

I am not saying we, as Government organizations have attained perfection. No, we have not. We still have a long way to go. Just like our country. But we have improved and are improving day by day. Just like this country. I am not saying every government officer you meet is an epitome of dedication towards their work. No, they aren’t. But not all of them are lazy buffoons who got lucky by getting a government job and all they have to do in office is while away time. We, in government have our share of ‘hard’ working and ‘hardly’ working officers. Just like any other private organization.

Some of us in Government are trying to make things work in every little way possible. I do not know how far have we succeeded or how long will we take to succeed. But next time, please do not belittle some of us or our work by saying ‘Aish hai’.  

What actually matters is inside you

I knew it was my last chance to save what I had then. A last chance to save my relationship from slipping away into oblivion. It had taken courage to dial her number. It had taken contemplation of days. Numerous drafts of messages that were written, edited and then deleted. Re-written and re-edited and when the ‘send’ button was finally pressed, I felt my breath being stuck in my windpipe till I received the reply.

It was a plea to meet. It was a plea to be able to at least put my point of view. A plea that I would be devastated if he left at this point. And she was my only messenger at that time. She was his best friend. Somebody he listened to. She was privy to everything between us. The fights, the arguments and the lovemaking too. I had felt violated in some way when I came to know that she knew everything about us. One might be the closest friend, but what happens between lovers should stay between lovers. But only I believed that, not him.

She agreed to meet over a weekend at a popular fast food chain near her office. Entire day, my stomach churned with nervousness and my heart paced like it was running a marathon. I rehearsed the lines I would say to her in my head. I wanted to tell her about the good, bad and mundane times we had shared. I wanted her to convince him to not leave me at a time when the marriage was on the cards and when I had moved mountains to convince my family. 

I reached on time and waited. I saw her walking towards me and something inside me dreaded this meeting. But I was determined to take my chance. We went inside, ordered the food and took our table.

We started talking about work and other stuff munching on the French Fries. I tried steering the conversation on the reason of our meeting. She probed what had happened. I told her whatever I could in an urgency as if my life depended on every sentence I uttered. But, my every argument for saving the relationship was counter argued with narration of every fight we had. It pinched hard that everything between us was already out there in front of a third person. My mouth was turning bitter with the bitterness in her voice. I was already declared a culprit. But like every alleged culprit I had to put my points hoping it would be my saving grace.

‘You know what I have been telling him since last three years to break up with you. He never agreed then. When you are not compatible with someone, you should just move on. What is the point of being unhappy and be in a relationship?’ she said dipping her burger in ketchup.

‘Three years?’ her words stung my ears. But we had started having arguments just six months back. How could she be convincing him to break up with me since three years? The questions loomed large. The answers of which I wasn’t ready to listen.

‘See’  she continued. ‘You have to be practical. You can’t be with someone who isn’t compatible with you. Do you understand what I am saying?’

I didn’t. Her practical advice felt like acid on my skin. I continued staring at her while she munched on her burger nonchalantly as if she were talking to somebody who was asking her advice on where to buy reasonably priced groceries.

‘Have you seen yourself in the mirror?’ I heard her.

‘Huh?’ I asked.

‘Have you seen yourself in the mirror? Just look at yourself. You are overweight. Much more than him. Don’t you think he has already been too kind in accepting you this way? I mean he looks way better than you since he isn’t fat like you.’ she said.

I stared.

‘I know you both were in a relationship and all that. But we have to be practical. I mean which guy would accept your weight while he is so fit. So I think you should tone down. Not just physically but also as a woman. Accept whatever he says. Do as he wants. He is the man after all. Plus he is accepting you with the weight. No man would want to be with you if you are healthier than him.’

Her words hung around me like stale air. I choked on them. She was another ‘woman’ I was talking to. An educated woman. An educated working woman.

And there she was. Telling me that I didn’t deserve my relationship just because I was overweight? That I was receiving some favour because the guy was fitter than me? That it was absolutely okay to pull down a woman by another woman just because she had more layers of fat around her than her man?

The noise around me had suddenly increased. A child bawled on the adjacent table. Something was nauseating me. I felt claustrophobic. Because there were too many people around? Or was it something else? Maybe the thought? That the only parameter a woman lays down for another woman for being in a relationship with somebody was her weighing scale.

The relationship eventually ended after I found that the real reason for the misunderstanding was not me but his interest in somebody else. But it was too late till then. Because somewhere deep inside, I blamed myself and the weight for everything that happened. Because I was judged for the outer appearance that I carried. Until I accepted myself for what I was. A person with stories to narrate, a person with poetry inside, a person who was not just her appearance.              

  

Did you know that:

a. 69% of men agree that their judgement of women is based on their looks.

b. 64% of women agree that the judgments passed on them have affected their ability to reach their true potential.

c. 70%of women agree that majority of judgments on women are from family members or friends rather than strangers.

d. 72% of women agree that working women face more judgments on their looks or their clothes than housewives.

“I’m breaking stereotypes based on appearance by sharing my experience for the #IAmCapable activity at BlogAdda in association with Nihar Naturals.”

Tales of 2015

Is it the New Year already?

2015, Oh you went by in a jiffy

Dealing one day at a time

I don't know where was I so busy?

The above lines pretty much repeat the same story every year. I guess for most of us. As the calendar changes, we wonder where our year went by. That’s when we sit and count. The blessings and learnings. So here goes my review for this year.

Dear 2015,

You will always be special to me. You were a year of many firsts. Good and bad both. A year that will remain etched in my memory for the longest time. Hence this post. So that I don’t forget the details. Ever. I will look back at you will fondness and remorse both at the same time. You gave me a few things and took away a few more. Here we go.

Getting fit - The Highest High:

I have never been more fit in my life than what I have been in 2015. A first in my entire life. Fitness got inculcated in my routine and its effects showed on my body. And boy, the way it showed! Imagine achieving a target that is on your mind since forever. I picked up a workout and diet routine under correct guidance and stuck to it. Gladly. For the first time in my life, I started with a workout (Kickboxing to be precise. Learnt it from The Kickboxing Studio. Trust me, they are good) and I have loved every minute of it. This has been the only form of workout I stuck to for such a long time. Getting fitter was the highest high of the year and I hope to carry it not just in this New Year but for a lifetime.   

A new abode:

2015 gave me a new home. The one that I am loving to the bits. We shifted to our new place in April this year with sheer chaos and confusion around. I had lived all my life at one place and then one day we were suddenly leaving it. Okay, my family had planned this move but when time actually came, memories found their way of holding us back. Oh and Murphy’s Law too. A lot of things went out of control during the shifting process. We bickered. We argued. We fought. About things to be bought and places to keep those things. Nevertheless, the sweat and tears and anger was all worth it in the end. Shifting to this new place was one of the best decisions for us. As I said, I am in love with my new home. The only set back was the ‘distance’ created between some friends because of the distance between the old and the new home.  

Making peace with the past:

Some years ago, I had lost my best friend to misunderstandings. We never met all these years. 2015 created circumstances when we were face to face again. And again. And it was nothing but awkward. But things got better. We started talking again. We are still not what we were but at least we are getting back. I had an angst inside me all these years against this friend. But 2015 taught me the ability to make peace with the past. It taught me that we will never find people that are good for us in all circumstances but everyone has something good in them and we need to find that.

Blogging - A little less:

Blogging was one arena where I was slow in 2015. Somehow I didn’t blog too much this year. The only high in terms of blogging was the month of April where I completed the A to Z challenge for the second consecutive year. ‘Conversations’ was my theme for the year. And it was special. Because in most of the posts, one of the lines was the actual conversation I had with somebody. Of course, the story around it was fictionally woven to accommodate the conversation. But this challenge will always remain close to me. Other than that, I have no clue why I couldn’t blog. I hope I can take up blogging with much more gusto in the New Year.

Although, I did write for myself much more this year. Posts that didn’t go on the blog but sit comfortably in the ‘special’ folder. I don’t know if I would ever want to share them with the world. I hope I do it. Someday.

Reuniting

Every college group has the same story where everyone promises to stay in touch after college. You do keep in touch for a couple of months and slowly things start drifting. That is when you start realizing life is much harder than what you thought it would be in college. The phone calls get converted to missed calls you cannot pick up during meetings, the dinners are given a miss because of the travel schedules and the promises to stay in touch are fulfilled only during alumni meets. Our group was no different for five years. But something changed in 2015. We met up. Again and again and again. Spouses got added to the group and I got to know some more wonderful women. And meeting this group made me realize how much fun I had missed after college and how comfortable I can be with some people. I hope we continue to gel even more this year.  

People – Some left and some I let go:

This is the saddest part of any year. Seeing people go or letting them go. Coming to terms with their absence. Just the way you come to terms with their presence sometimes. I know it sounds clichéd and we have all heard it that every person comes in your life to teach you something. That kind of sounds true to me today. Some such people who taught me much more about myself than anything else.   

So, dear 2015. You have been special. In blessings. And learnings. And dear 2016, You better be good.

“I’m sharing my #TalesOf2015 with BlogAdda.”

Much more than JUST a number on the weighing scale

BlogAdda's Spicy Saturday Picks

I feel anger rising within me as I write this. And I have a reason. No wait. I don’t have just a reason, I have reasons. I haven’t really ranted on my blog except for a few occasions here. But this rant is much stronger than all my earlier rants because of the way this topic has been attached to me since ‘I don’t know when’. So here we go.

I have always been on the heavier side of the weighing scale all my life. You read it right, all my life. Atleast from the time I remember. But that’s not the point here.

The point here is the general attitude of society towards people on the heavier side of the scale. The attitude where they think it is their birth right to make fun of overweight people. Just like the way, they think it is our moral obligation to be made fun of. The attitude where they think that being on the heavier side of the scale is a sin and hence we deserve to be made fun of. So go ahead, make fun. Because we are like this out of choice and find sheer joy in being overweight. Right? Wrong. I am sorry to break it to you that we hate being your source of free entertainment. And that nobody, just nobody likes to be on the heavier side of the scale, for being mocked for the way our bodies are made differently than yours and for the way our bodies react differently to situations and circumstances. And that when you pass a judgement or make fun of my body, it does not define me, it defines YOU as nothing more than an insensitive buffoon. And everytime I don’t react to your mockery, it is not because I do not have an equally sarcastic and demeaning comment about you, but it is because I do not wish to downgrade myself at your doltish levels.

Right from acquaintances, relatives, friends to colleagues to total strangers, I have been mocked for my body for the number of times I do not even remember with comments as stupid as the fact that I carry huge bags because I need to carry a large lunch box fitting my size. How lame. How stupidly lame. Or wait. There is something even lamer. Like the time when I was running around in the office for getting some work done. And pat comes the comment asking me stop running because the staircase could fall. Right. Coz you see, I weigh equivalent to crane capable of bulldozing an entire building. Wow. Just Wow. This is just the tip of an iceberg of the nasty comments I have heard over the years.

And then there is something equally irksome. The way everybody turns into so-called experts on my body. The way they think they have the right to suggest me remedies to reduce my weight. Because I have no clue how to do it and because I do not know how to handle my body and because they are on the right side of the scale, they obviously have more fitness gyaan than what I have and hence they are obliged to throw their bizarre suggestions for weight loss in my face. As if I am suffering from some terminal illness and they are doing their bit of social service by providing their valuable suggestions.

The more I think about such comments and instances, the more it angers me. Not just because they were said about me but more because of the way our society behaves and general perception of the people towards this topic. The way people have no clue that fat shaming does not motivate anybody to lose weight and that it affects people at much deeper psychological levels than they could ever imagine.   

There was a time when this mockery affected me for days. It affects me. Still. Ofcource not to the extent it used to. Because today I accept myself and my body much more heartily than I used to. And that does not mean I do not work towards making myself more fit. This just means that I accept my curves and my stretch marks much more today than I did earlier.

But not everybody can cope with fat shaming. Even I haven’t learnt to cope with it completely. But then why can't people understand that making fun of people for their overweight body is somewhat equivalent making fun of a blind person? Just like nobody likes to be blind, similarly no one likes being on the heavier side.

I have no clue why our society cannot take a heavier person just like everybody else. Why is there always a need to look down upon me, to mock me or to advise me? Why can't I be taken as just another person? Why can't I be seen more than just a body? Why does every other aspect of my personality hide under the fact that I am overweight?

Because I know that I am much more than JUST a number on the weighing scale.   

Image Source : Google

My Wishlist Continues - #WhatTheBlack

Being a photographer’s daughter, this is the most obvious choice. Though I haven’t really tried my hand at professional cameras, I wish to own one myself. An amazing Nikon DSLR in black is what I am drooling currently on. I wish I would be able to lay my hands on it sometime soon.

It’s been years since I have trying to learn to drive a car. But no matter how hard I try, the accelerator - break and clutch synchronization is just out of my understanding. My brother has given up trying to make me understand the basics. And hence when Maruti launched Maruti Celerio – the Auto Gear Shift Car that gives the freedom from having to press the clutch pedal or change gears, I think I have found a solution to my problem. I hope to buy one soon.

My room is currently painted in a dull shade of grey which looks drab and boring. Going by the current interior decoration trends, I have always wanted to paint one of the walls in black. I love collages and I wish to hang some of my handmade collages on that wall. The wall would also be the home for all the wonderful greeting cards I have received till date. (Yes, I have all of them in my safe custody)

What can be a writer’s wish than to win award for her writing skills. I wish to pen down a movie someday. And that Salman Khan acts in that movie. And then that movie goes on to become one of the biggest hits of its times. And then, I win a Filmfare for best screenplay. Yeah, Yeah, I know am daydreaming. But this is a wishlist and I can wish for anything :P

And now when I shall win the Filmfare, obviously I shall need an amazing black gown to wear for the occasion right? 

So well, that’s pretty much my wishlist for black.

This post is a part of #WhatTheBlack activity at BlogAdda.com

My Wishlist - #WhatTheBlack

Majestic, Dark, Intriguing

These words in my head start ringing     

When you ask me #WhatTheBlack

What do I wish, What do I lack

A Black Labrador is on the wishlist first

Holding it I am sure, day’s stress would burst

Coming home to eagerly waiting eyes

To unadulterated love and its accompanying highs  

(Yes, I have been dying to get a Labrador since quite some time now. It’s just that a few members of my family aren’t too keen on having one. But I hope to convince them soon. I just can’t wait to have one)

A huge Black Reclining Chair follows next

So that I could sink in whenever I need rest

After all the travelling that I do everyday

A cozy place is what I need at the end of the day

(I saw one at a friend’s house sometime back. And I have been waiting to get my hands on it since then. And I want a huge one. Trust me, a huge one.)

Was thinking of what follows third

And then to me it suddenly occurred

A limitless supply of Kohl would do

For those sexy eyes to make everybody drool

(Kohl eyes. Sigh. I love it. No, wait, I just lurvvvvv it. You wouldn’t find me without kohl in my eyes. Never. Ever. I have tried almost every kohl product available in market. And if I stop buying kohl for atleast next two years, I am sure I wouldn’t run short of the products. But, why make such high hopes. I am never gonna stop buying them :P )

And then comes the wishing for the fourth

What else would I need to survive henceforth

Endless cups of Black Coffee would just be suffice

To make sure my words are magical enough to entice

(Mind overflowing with ideas for new stories. Rain. A laptop. Black Coffee. Enough said !!)

And finally what would be number five

Let me check of what am I deprived

A sleek Black iPad is something to which I wouldn’t ever say no

To keep me connected while I am on the go

(Need I say more ?? I guess not)

This post is a part of #WhatTheBlack activity at BlogAdda.com

Things That Zest Up My Life !!

Humdrum of life everyday

Colours missing, it sometimes seems grey  

Life passes by in mundane routines

Unless done a few things that add life some sheen

There are a few things that I swear by

They add a vivacious zest to my life

Around them, in my eyes, a smile you would see

With these near me, a good time I am guaranteed 

Words cannot describe what I feel

How writing makes my insides heal

Passion is just filament of a feeling

When my thoughts meet paper, a whole new world starts reeling  

 I lap up books like a hungry child

When I hold one in my hands, I feel beguiled

In them, sometimes I become a saint and at times I play somebody’s wife

With every book that I read, I live a beautiful new life

Shopping for me is no less than a therapy

Days become cheerful however they were horrible or crappy   

Like every woman, I’m a shopping lover by birth

And trips to malls are my ticket to heaven on earth

Long drives in rain recharge me

In my ecosphere of thoughts, I love to flee

Because with every falling drop

Negativity and worries inside me get wiped off

 Melts my heart on seeing ice-creams

Bland without them my life would seem

The diet goes for a toss when they are around

With every bite, in a never ending bliss I get drowned    

These are things that bring in my eyes a fresh gleam

Happiness happily following along with its team

These are the things that invoke within a fiery zest

And I celebrate my life’s moments with them like a fest

The list of zests for me is enough long

And I can about them, go on and on

Coz what would life be if you live without any passion

Coz I believe, Life is to be lived with a contagious enthusiasm

This post is a part of the #ZestUpYourLife activity in association with TATA Zest and BlogAdda.com.

My 'Zesty' Five

There are some words which are positive in their sound itself. They carry a happy and a bright feeling with them. ‘Zest’ is one such word. The dictionary defines this word as ‘great enthusiasm and energy’. I am sure everybody has something or the other in their lives that induces this zest in them. These few things make moments in life worthwhile. A few such things for me would be:

Watching Reality Dance Shows: No, don’t think that I can shake a leg or something. Nope. I just can’t. But that doesn’t stop me from enjoying these shows. No matter how bad day I have had in office, play these shows at the end of the day in front of me and my mood gets lifted watching all those amazing and complex dance moves and lifts. I follow them fervently not missing a single episode of them. And while they are on, dare anybody touch the remote?  :P

Listening to Wind Chimes:  I love them. I just love their music. I have so many of them in the balcony of my room. Their soft tinkling sound is a great mood lifter for me. I think they are one of the best gifts that I receive (Yes, people around me know my love for them and I keep on receiving these once a while. Ofcourse, that doesn’t stop me from buying new ones for myself :P ). I love collecting them. And I hope to have a room full of wind chimes someday.  

Collecting Diaries:  My love for diaries is well known to people around me. And if a writer woudn’t collect diaries, who would? I have a huge collection of them. And I have different diaries for different purposes. One for writing all the good happenings of the day, one for making to-do lists, one for writing bad incidents and learning for life, one for remembering birthdays (yes, I am the traditional types, I don’t depend on my phone for that) and the most special one is for writing thoughts that get converted into blogposts. I protect my collection fiercely and nobody (even from my family) gets a chance to take away a single one from my collection. Seeing my collection everytime fills me up with immense happiness.

Making personalized gifts: Yes, I make personalized gifts for my loved ones. Somehow, making scrap books and other such personalized gifts gives me satisfaction. It makes me believe that I have put my heart into giving that gift. And I know the receivers treasure it too. That way, a part of me and the moments they have spent with me always remains with them. I love seeing the smile it brings on the people receiving these gifts. It makes them feel special and me happy.

Baking: This is my newest hobby or passion or experimentation field, whatever you can call. I have been fascinated by it. Watching ‘Cup Cake Wars’ and other cooking and baking shows on television has induced this new found interest in me. I have tried my hand at a few dishes recently. Not that everything turned out to be amazing but a few of them sure did. And I hope to hone my baking skills with time.

Well, these few things do the trick for me. What about you?

This post is a part of the #ZestUpYourLife activity in association with TATA Zest and BlogAdda.com.

Ah, Whose could it be ??

It's a WOW !!  

With a throbbing headache I wake up

I need nothing but a strong coffee cup

Housewarming party images from last night

But, oh, the messy surroundings was not a very pretty sight

Gone are the friends and their friends

‘t was fun, food, music and booze flowing without ends

Cleaning up the corners of my new place

Need to buck up, I just can’t sit and laze

As I hurry to order up things

A half-eaten cake, mobile phone and an earring

Resting on my newly acquired centre-table I see

Now whose earring could it be?

Tried hard to recall, but how could I tell

After all, the expensive booze had done its work well

Ah, I am never gonna find out was my apprehension

But somehow that earring had my attention

I picked up my phone and browsed casually

To take a picture and instagram it quickly

Half face of a lady in green earring sat in my phone gallery

So, the special connection with the earring could not just be a fallacy

But how do I find out whose it could be

Voila, why not check if a new number in my phone I could see

Yes, her number I saw with the picture

Hope of new beginnings inside me now flickered

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.