Much more than JUST a number on the weighing scale

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I feel anger rising within me as I write this. And I have a reason. No wait. I don’t have just a reason, I have reasons. I haven’t really ranted on my blog except for a few occasions here. But this rant is much stronger than all my earlier rants because of the way this topic has been attached to me since ‘I don’t know when’. So here we go.

I have always been on the heavier side of the weighing scale all my life. You read it right, all my life. Atleast from the time I remember. But that’s not the point here.

The point here is the general attitude of society towards people on the heavier side of the scale. The attitude where they think it is their birth right to make fun of overweight people. Just like the way, they think it is our moral obligation to be made fun of. The attitude where they think that being on the heavier side of the scale is a sin and hence we deserve to be made fun of. So go ahead, make fun. Because we are like this out of choice and find sheer joy in being overweight. Right? Wrong. I am sorry to break it to you that we hate being your source of free entertainment. And that nobody, just nobody likes to be on the heavier side of the scale, for being mocked for the way our bodies are made differently than yours and for the way our bodies react differently to situations and circumstances. And that when you pass a judgement or make fun of my body, it does not define me, it defines YOU as nothing more than an insensitive buffoon. And everytime I don’t react to your mockery, it is not because I do not have an equally sarcastic and demeaning comment about you, but it is because I do not wish to downgrade myself at your doltish levels.

Right from acquaintances, relatives, friends to colleagues to total strangers, I have been mocked for my body for the number of times I do not even remember with comments as stupid as the fact that I carry huge bags because I need to carry a large lunch box fitting my size. How lame. How stupidly lame. Or wait. There is something even lamer. Like the time when I was running around in the office for getting some work done. And pat comes the comment asking me stop running because the staircase could fall. Right. Coz you see, I weigh equivalent to crane capable of bulldozing an entire building. Wow. Just Wow. This is just the tip of an iceberg of the nasty comments I have heard over the years.

And then there is something equally irksome. The way everybody turns into so-called experts on my body. The way they think they have the right to suggest me remedies to reduce my weight. Because I have no clue how to do it and because I do not know how to handle my body and because they are on the right side of the scale, they obviously have more fitness gyaan than what I have and hence they are obliged to throw their bizarre suggestions for weight loss in my face. As if I am suffering from some terminal illness and they are doing their bit of social service by providing their valuable suggestions.

The more I think about such comments and instances, the more it angers me. Not just because they were said about me but more because of the way our society behaves and general perception of the people towards this topic. The way people have no clue that fat shaming does not motivate anybody to lose weight and that it affects people at much deeper psychological levels than they could ever imagine.   

There was a time when this mockery affected me for days. It affects me. Still. Ofcource not to the extent it used to. Because today I accept myself and my body much more heartily than I used to. And that does not mean I do not work towards making myself more fit. This just means that I accept my curves and my stretch marks much more today than I did earlier.

But not everybody can cope with fat shaming. Even I haven’t learnt to cope with it completely. But then why can't people understand that making fun of people for their overweight body is somewhat equivalent making fun of a blind person? Just like nobody likes to be blind, similarly no one likes being on the heavier side.

I have no clue why our society cannot take a heavier person just like everybody else. Why is there always a need to look down upon me, to mock me or to advise me? Why can't I be taken as just another person? Why can't I be seen more than just a body? Why does every other aspect of my personality hide under the fact that I am overweight?

Because I know that I am much more than JUST a number on the weighing scale.   

Image Source : Google

Five Sentence Fiction - Waiting

‘He is equally responsible for the project for God's sake and you should have atleast given it back to him for his unprofessionalism.’ she said

‘But I don’t know what were you even thinking at that time?’ she said fuming with anger now.

‘I tried, alright and you know I can’t..’ my sentence trailed off.

‘How can you say you can’t, are you ever going to learn ?’, she went on ranting.

The two voices fought inside my head, while I waited for some magic that would teach me the skill of saying things to people on their face during an argument rather than in my head after the whole scene was over and done with !!

Written for Five Sentence Fiction - Waiting

Sharp as Swords

Your words

Sharp as swords

Purposely you say

Them you do not weigh

Aiming to derogate

For unknown reasons, me you hate

Your words

Sharp as swords

They shake me up

They break me down

Constantly on loop

In my mind now they play

Your words

Sharp as swords

I replay them again

And rises inside a sharp pain

My day is spoilt, and so is my mood

Inside I sit and relentlessly brood

Your words

Sharp as swords

You called me to meet

And with your words, you mistreat

Didn’t take you minutes at all

To find within me unknown faults

Your words

Sharp as swords

Play, replay

They constantly go on

If only

You would have stopped

To think and weigh

Your words

Sharp as swords

May be it’s in your nature

To not nurture

But merely cause hurt

Your words

Yes !

They were sharp as swords

Written for Magpie Tales # 223

Manali !!

Thousands pass by everyday

Some days are special though

When some beautiful people enter our lives

And then from our hearts they never go

Dusty bus journey across the city

I hated taking it every time

May be God had on me some pity

And you came and sat on my right

And thus began a bond

That grew every single day

Of each other we became so very fond

It bored me to death whenever you were away

Chatterbox you’ve made out of me

Mythology to movies, from books to boyfriends

Blabbering away we

Non-stop for hours without ends

Every character of each other’s life we know

How good they have been

And how wicked they could go

Been with each other

In times good and bad

Pulled each other up when we were sad

Advice we’ve followed of each other every time

Whether handling some trouble

Or buying that make-up kit last time

A new path you are taking today

And I wish nothing but love and happiness

To come your way

My bus journeys shall be bland without you

Manali, missed shall be you

Coz friends like you in life are so very few…!!

This poem is just the ‘tip of the iceberg’ of the friendship I share with this beautiful and vivacious woman who has made my bus journeys totally worth it. She is getting married today and I am still to come terms to the fact of not meeting her everyday. 

Manali, this one is just a small gift for you on this special day. Lots of love.. !! 

Randomness

It’s the day for R and I don’t have any ideas about what should I write for this letter. The only word that encircles my mind today is Random. Even with this word, I tried to put up something interesting but everything ended right into my recycle bin. Writer’s block in the middle of the challenge is not a good place to be in. L Atlast, I thought of putting up ten random things about myself. Sigh. You don’t even need to read this.

1. There was a time when I hated facebook. And today, I simply love it. People change you see ;)
2. I am one of the most disorganized persons you would ever meet. I don’t find any papers, my bank statements, my tax returns or anything important on time. Don’t even know how am I surviving.
3. I am a Finance post graduate but I hate numbers.
4. Almost a year into blogging, but I still get excited on seeing every response on my blog
5. One thing that I am afraid of is doctors. I don’t know why but I fear them like anything and I would do anything to not visit one. Even if that means being sick for days together.
6. I love collecting diaries. I won’t use all of them but I would never give a single to anybody from the collection I have :P
7. Howsoever hard I try; I can never be a morning person. Never, ever.
8. I cannot read non-fiction books, atleast in this lifetime. I have tried and tried and failed. And now I have made peace with this fact.
9. These days, if I don’t do a certain task that my mom wants me to do, she threatens me by saying that she would take away my cell phone and that task is done. I am literally stuck to my phone these days.
10. I sometimes wish I had some magical power to read all the books in the world. 

 Phew ! I am done. Hope to come up with something better for tomorrow.  By the way, is anybody of you like me in any of the above aspects?

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. I am doing two posts for this Challenge and Themed posts can be found here.

Quarantined

BlogAdda's Tangy Tuesday 

   




Shattered in pain, crying her insides out. No words can define her situation. Lost. She lost a part of her existence already. Her soulmate, her husband. The society is around. To take care of the necessities, the rituals. 

After he leaves, bathe her. Bathe her out in the open. Clothes. Colourless for her from now on. She doesn’t deserve colours in her life anymore. Her husband brought colours to her life. No him, no colours. Widow. They call her, right in her face. Cursed she is now. Cursed for life.

Quarantine her. For she is not a suhaagan anymore. Quarantine her like those diseased cattle. For her touch is not auspicious any longer. You talk about touch? Even her presence is inauspicious. Unwanted, to be precise. As if the death of her husband is not enough of a loss for her, she needs to be reminded all the time that she is cursed, cursed for life.

But, we are modern people now. We allow her to wear colours. Yes, ‘allow’ her. Allow her shades of light pinks, light blues, pale yellows and peaches. That’s it. No reds, greens and maroons can adorn her anymore. Nope. She doesn’t need them.

You allow her to live a normal life. Hah, ‘allow’ again. For she now needs permissions. Of those elder women - the ones who have gone through similar fates. Permissions - of the caretakers of culture, caretakers of society. She needs permissions for conducting some simple routines of life. 

But, we are modern people, you know. Ofcourse, she can be a part of ‘normal’ ladies group now that you have ‘allowed’ her. But, you cannot talk about your husbands in front of her. She can get jealous. I mean, who knows, maybe she might just want to rob you of all your happiness out of jealously and curse you of the same fate. You know, curses of ‘such kind’ of people affect you sooner. So again you quarantine certain topics in front of her. Topics of husbands. Of happiness. Of anything that ‘you’ think that she can never ‘enjoy’ now that she is a widow.

Marriages. She shouldn’t be attending them. How can she? Marriages are a celebration. How can she be a part of any celebration? She lost her right to celebrate after her husband, didn’t she? But again, as I told you, we are modern people. Call her, atleast as a formality. She wouldn’t dare to come. But if she disappoints you, you need to show her ‘her’ place. Remind her. Remind her that she is the cursed one. Keep her away as much as possible from any auspicious ceremony. She cannot handle the shagun ki thali nor touch the shagun ki mehndi. Quarantine her again. For apshakun she is. Evil eyed. Make her feel like an outcast. She should know that she is different. Not normal. Cursed.  

Her daughter’s marriage. Her daughter - her only reason for existence. Arey, we are modern people. She ofcourse will be part of her daughter’s wedding. But. You cannot let her do the kanyadaan. No. She is her daughter, so what? Her curse might fall on her own daughter. The girl is starting a new life. How can her mother’s apshakun be a part of her new life? Quarantine her of that dream too, the one she saw with her husband. Of getting her daughter married to handsome man. After all, she is cursed, isn’t she?

No, we are not robbing her of everything, you see. She can do something without any guilt. Like praying. Yes, that is the only righteous thing she can do after her husband. Pray hard. So that the sins of this life don’t affect her next life. As such she is suffering by being a widow in her present birth because of her past life sins.

Widow. You use that word for her as if she is diseased. Diseased. Yes. Not her. But You. It’s you that needs to be quarantined of your baseless beliefs; not her right to live a normal happy life. May be, just may be then, you can call yourself a modern society.  

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. I am doing two posts for this Challenge and Themed posts can be found here.

Kundli Connections

Kundli (horoscope) - the magical piece of paper that holds the answers to all questions unfathomable to the logical mind of a sane human being. Apart from holding the powers to foresee about how the child would fare in his studies, whether the beta has the yog of flying abroad and how much money would he mint; the kundli becomes the most sacred and sought-after word for Indian parents when it comes to getting their offspring married to complete strangers.

Image courtesy: Google search

After all, when the prospective partners aren’t allowed to talk to each other for more than a few hours, let alone allowing them to date other person, one obviously needs a measuring scale to decide whether this is ‘the stranger’ who you can get your child to spend their life with? Well well, the kundli comes to the rescue. For it is not the likes and dislikes of the children that should help choose their partner, but it is some random planetary position that gets the privilege of deciding whether this is the best dulha (groom) for your rajdulaari (princess) or she is the perfect bahu (daughter-in-law) you are looking for your eklauta beta (only son).

Your khandaani pandit (priest) plays a very important role in this ‘stranger gets married to stranger’ game. For it is him who would after some deep analysis of the rahus and the ketus residing in the kundlis of both the girl and guy, shall he let you know whether she is ‘the stranger’ who would keep your son happy, be a good daughter-in-law bringing in prosperity to your household and who shall also bear you the khandan ka varis.

The zodiacs are matched. Very necessary. For an Arian shall find it hard to get along with a Capricorn and shall be best compatible with a Gemini. The mangaliks are to be set up with fellow mangaliks only. Wait, the ones having shanis would also do at times. The planets and their positions are studied, dashas and mahadashas are calculated, matched and after trying various permutations and combinations of the planetary positions of both the stranger parties, a score is arrived at out of a total 36 points. This score is ‘the’ magical number which would decide whether to go ahead with this particular stranger for your child or not.

Anything below 18 is not acceptable at all and this rishta is to be dismissed off without another thought. Yes, even the planetary positions need a minimum number of passing marks. Well, if the scores stand anything from 25 to 32, then this particular stranger with whom the score has been achieved can be met and then be judged on other parameters.

And Holy Hell, if the score is anything above 32, rounds of gulab jamuns start circulating amongst the families already for this is ‘the’ match that is made in heaven. And come hell or high water, this rishta cannot be refused. Because this is ‘the’ bouy that is supposed to give your daughter all the happiness she deserves in the world and she is ‘the’ sanskari bahu your house would ever get. And making the guy meet the girl and other such unimportant events later, boom.. they are married !!

In this process, one might also come across families that aren’t compatible to yours. And this magical piece of paper called kundli comes in handy for warding off such families. The mother just puts up a sad face and announces with a sigh to the other mother that the kundlis aren’t compatible which is responded by the other party with another sigh and something like ‘it’s all destined’ and other such well-rehearsed lines. Both the parties know the truth, but none utters. After all, it is so rude to say that your beta isn’t earning as much as our daughter. Why say and spoil, when you can blame it all on the kundli?

So you see, things are that simple in our arranged marriage system to decide whether he/she is ‘the one’ or not. Pretty convenient, ain’t it?

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. I am doing two posts for this Challenge and Themed posts can be found here.

Available in herds ??

Yes, I asked the question of the tittle to myself when I heard views of somebody on women. Somebody, who is educated and works at a good position in an organization. We were having a general conversation about this one girl we knew who was leaving her job since she was getting married someplace else.

And this is what he said. ‘You know that’s why I don’t think women should be educated. The women these days take half of the seats in schools, high end colleges and jobs. And at the end what do they do? They leave their high paying jobs. Isn’t that the sheer waste of seats? First, in schools and colleges and then in jobs as well? I mean, had there been a guy in her place, who would have studied in that good college and gotten himself a job that she landed on, he would have continued the job. He would be taking care of an entire family.’

Logic told me to argue and say that if that girl was leaving a job here, she would take up the job somewhere else too. It’s not that she has wasted entire education of hers. And even if she decides to quit, that cannot be a reason of depriving her of the education. I thought I should tell him about what difference a woman can make in the family if she is educated even though she would not go out and work.

But then sanity took over me and I kept mum. I switched on my plastic smile mode. (the one where I am uttering expletives under my breath and my face has the most angelic smile ever. It comes with practice. Try it sometime.)

Why should I be arguing with a person who doesn’t even has his basics correct? How much difference would I make in his thinking by adding a few arguments? If he had slightest idea of the enormity of the words he was speaking, he wouldn’t be saying them.

And this is not the sole person I know. There is this other gentleman (don’t know if I can call him that) who strongly and staunchly believes that no matter how greater heights I would achieve in my career, I would always remain below my husband. And that I should even accept if my future husband hits me sometime because after all my husband would also love me and hence he has the right to even get angry at me sometimes. Weird isn’t it?   

And what do you argue with such people? It rages you from inside when even the educated lot thinks like that. What could be expected from uneducated ones then?

I don’t know if the Universe is conspiring to make me meet such pea-size brained people again and again. But I tend to find them in herds. Or are they actually available in herds?

This post is written as a part of April A to Z Challenge 2014 under Non-Themed category. Themed posts for this challenge can be found here.

Twenty Eight and Single – #ConditionSeriousHai

Today, my poor blog baby is about to witness its first official rant. Rant against some people jinki condition serious hai. My tongue is in a mood to whiplash. And let me tell you, all the characters mentioned here are not fictitious at all and definitely bear resemblance to a person living (who isn’t dead coz I don’t wanna write remaining of my posts on jail walls). So after you read this, if it feels that this post has been directed at you, then you are probably absolutely correct for once. Because, I am directing this at you. Read. Re-read if it doesn’t go in your head and once it goes down, please retreat to the safe chambers of your gossip gang but without the holding the baton against me.  So here it goes.

To my neighborhood aunties and some so-called relatives – inki #ConditionSeriousHai  

Yes, I am twenty eight year old  and still single. Yeah, now keep those eyebrows at their place and close that mouth of yours. My dear neighborhood aunties and relatives, I am so glad that your daughters got married when they were twenty three. Good for them. Good for you too. But that doesn’t decide what age I should be getting married. No. If you think that your daughter getting married earlier than me gives you a right to comment on what should be the right age for a woman to settle down, then let me tell you, ki aapki condition serious hai. By the way kuch lete kyun nai? Like some sense? You know why? Because there is no such right age. Shocking isn’t it? It is, because the right age for me to get married would be when I think I am ready for it. Surprise Surprise. I get to decide that. So now deal with it. And hey by the way, I am just twenty eight and not forty. So get your calculations right. I am really not that old that it should set your panic alarms ringing every time you see me. 

And when you keep on pestering my family about the repercussions of my ‘late’ marriage (which by the way is ‘late’ according to your standards, not mine), your serious condition becomes ever more grave. So, just stop freaking my family out, will ya? 

And your emotional atyachar about what would happen to my younger brothers and sisters if I don’t get married soon literally bores me to death. They are above eighteen and can get married whenever and whoever they want to. Do you think I would have stopped them if they ever wanted to? No. Never. I would be happy if they decide to do it before me. I get another chance to celebrate for them. So before your grave condition becomes even irreversibly damaged, kuch karte kyun nai? Like minding your own business?

And by the way, I just forgot to mention that I am not having an affair anywhere. Oh God, did I just rob you of your topic to bitch on for the next kitty party? Tch.. Tch.. Sorry. But, now since you have the word from me, why don’t you just stop whispering behind my back saying that’s the reason I am not getting married anywhere. And hey, even if that was the case, it is again me who decides when and whom I choose to get married to. Okay. So, let me remind you once again, ke aapki condition seriously very very serious hai. Kuch sochte kyun nai? Like something more meaningful for your own life?

To my dear ‘just’ acquaintances – inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai

My weekends are very special to me. Because that’s the time when I rewind with friends and family, when I write and when I basically laze around. So, my dear acquaintances, if you believe that hunting a guy for an arranged marriage every weekend counts in my idea of having fun on a weekend, then aapki condition about idea of fun is seriously very serious. 

Remember, I took a few days off last time. I did not go and meet any guy for the arranged marriage set up. No, I did not. Disappointing, isn’t it? It is to me too. When every time I come back from a holiday, the first question that gets directed to me is how was the guy which ‘you’ think I would have gone to meet. And when I say I haven’t taken a leave for that purpose, don’t give me that ‘knowing’ smile of yours. It angers me even more. That plastic smile of mine? That’s not a smile. That’s my way of telling you to just shut up and mull over your own critical condition because my holidays are not reserved to be spent only for husband hunting.

And, when you hear any of my friends getting engaged or married, your question about when am I giving you a chance to feast at my wedding has become such cliché. Hey, you know what, come this Sunday, let me treat you to a hearty lunch at a good restaurant if that’s the only reason why you want to see me married. But next time you throw me this question, I will purposely delete you from my guest list whenever I decide to get married. Because aisi serious condition mein, you shouldn’t go out too often. Tab tak, kuch lete kyun nai? Like a good look at your own affairs.

Dear acquaintances, when you ask me how many guys have I seen (seen as in for the arranged marriage set up) till date for the so-called ‘arranged marriage’ thingy, my answer ‘chal raha hai’ is just a polite way of saying that’s none of your bloody business. So just back off and nurse yourself. Because apki condition na, badi serious hai ji.  

To some ‘friends’ – Yes, inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai

Read this conversation I had on Facebook chat:

Friend: Hi. How are you?

Me: Hey, M good. Long time. How are you?

Friend: I am fine. Where are you these days?

Me: I am in Ahmedabad itself. How about you?

Friend: Are you married?

Me: Not yet. Happily Single.

Friend: Oh. Why? Why aren’t you married till date?

Me: *No reply*

Friend: Arrey, you should get married by now na. Why are you single?

Me: Coz I am on a mission to save Mother Earth from the impending attack of Mars and the reason I am not getting married is that when I receive a call for performing my divine duty of saving our Mother earth, I shouldn’t be stuck within a pile of utensils to be washed or laundry to be done. J

Friend: *No reply*

Me: You there?

Me (ten minutes later): It was nice talking to you by the way.

Yes, this conversation actually happened with a friend from school who I haven’t seen or talked to since ages. I mean why, just why is my marital status such great concern? And this was not just an off-hand chat that I had. A similar kind happened not once, not twice but thrice. Yes, it did. The only common thing between them being me not knowing those friends too well.

For friends who I have better contact with and who have had such conversations with me, just to let you know that if I steer the conversation into some other direction then that is my way of asking you not to enter into that territory. Please understand. After all, I don’t want ke apki bi condition serious ho jaaye.

Now that all seriously serious people have been warned by me, it’s time for me to hope that they get well soon. And till the time that happens, I am *off to saving Mother Earth from the impending attack from Mars*

This post is exclusively written for ‘#ConditionSeriousHai!’ contest powered by Cadbury 5 Star and Indiblogger. Check out their facebook page here: Cadbury 5 Star Facebook page                

Mr. Know-It-All

So, you think you know it all

You think you alone stand tall?

It’s what you think is always right

But, ever thought from other’s viewpoint?

Snapping at wife

Fired the employee

She didn’t know how to cook

He was unaware of how the presentation should look

The children don’t score as much as you did

Maid doesn’t know how to close that expensive jar’s lid

Ever wondered about the efforts they make!

Is it only complaints in your head that you bake?

Wish you knew, living with people like you is not at all a walk on the cake!!

P.S. -  This post is written for - 100 Words on Saturday hosted by Write Tribe. The prompt is ‘So, you think you know it all’

Jealous?? Yes I am.

Jealous?? Yes I am.

Not just because 'She' shares you with me

But various other facets of you that once belonged only to me

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she can see you all through the day

When you walk-in looking bright in the morning

Till you leave tired right at the end of the day

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she sees you flustered in humid May

Wet in the July rain

And warm within your jackets in cold December days

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she can come over for friendly chat

Or talk to you about her problems with this and that

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she sees you working animatedly on your screen

Observing sweat beads on your forehead while you seem lost in thoughts so deep

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she can see you when worry takes over

And lend her shoulder for you to lean over    

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she smells ‘your’ smell

The heady mixture that in my mind still dwells

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she can see the smile on your face

And hear the peals of your laughter as the joy in your heart emanates

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

Coz she can listen to your anecdotes every now and then

And shares your time again and again

Jealous?? Yes, I am.

For millions of things you wouldn’t have thought

For those umpteen silly reasons for which we have fought  

You think jealousy is the darker shade of me

But that’s what for me ‘belongingness’ means

Worry, when I stop being jealous

Coz that’s the day when nothing’s gonna matter anymore to me..