Friday, 18 July 2014

Five Sentence Fiction - Rain

He folded all the clothes that were to be ironed in the old sari and waited patiently at the verandah for the madam to appear.

He prayed with all his might for a yes to his question because this was the last house where he could ask and if she too denied he would have nowhere to go.

‘I am sorry Shankar, I don’t think it would be possible for us’ said the madam and his last hopes sank, moistening his eyes.

‘But Madam, it is not such a big ..’ and before he could finish the sentence, the door had already closed.

He looked dejected at the sky covered with clouds, ready to burst anytime, remembering the urgent repair required in the leaky rooftop of the small room that accommodated his family of seven members.


Written for Five Sentence Fiction for the prompt - RAIN


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48 comments:

  1. Anmol Rawat18 July 2014 at 01:54

    I hate such cruel people.
    Awesome take on the prompt.

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  2. Red Handed18 July 2014 at 06:28

    sigh :(
    Good one babe.
    How people unknowingly become cruel.

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 22:08

      Thanks Red. Hope people become more kind towards others. The world needs such people :)

      Delete
  3. Anita Sabat18 July 2014 at 08:15

    Money needed to repair the roof from the rain...
    But, rejection adds to the pain...
    Realistic story, Jyotsna.

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  4. Aayesha S Hakim18 July 2014 at 10:35

    A lovely take on the prompt, Jyotsna :)
    Cruelty and rejection combined!

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  5. Maniparna18 July 2014 at 10:37

    People deny to help others...most of the times..I wonder why they love to be so cruel.. :-(

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 22:24

      World has become fake Maniparna. And in all this fakeness, sometimes even genuine requests go unheard :(

      Delete
  6. Seeta18 July 2014 at 11:17

    Sad one this..... while I agree it was cruel, you also find people who take advantage when you start loaning them money... this is how the world is :(

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 22:25

      I totally agree with you Seeta :( Fakes make the world a difficult place for even genuine people :(

      Delete
  7. Chaitali Bhattacharjee18 July 2014 at 11:30

    Hmmm...realistic ...truth is truth though cruel...sad facet of life..we'll depicted

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  8. Bikram18 July 2014 at 14:30

    oh no .. reality hurts ..

    and i wish monsoons brought cheer and not sinking of heart ..

    Bikram's

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 22:33

      Yeah, reality does hurt. I wish too Bikram but life is not a bed of roses for everyone :(

      Delete
  9. Soumya18 July 2014 at 15:30

    Oh ! :'(

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  10. kalpana solsi18 July 2014 at 16:18

    People welcome rains with open arms but this poor man has different problems.

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  11. Tina Basu18 July 2014 at 16:55

    sad... but thats how things are around :(

    Tina from The Sunny Side of Life

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  12. Unknown18 July 2014 at 18:03

    Oh! sad :(

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  13. Sindhu Devi K18 July 2014 at 18:44

    So sad... We would be thinking that we are saving money. But, we don't know how many times we'd have lost chances to help the needy... An eye opener... Will remember this always :) TC! Keep smiling :)

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 22:55

      Glad you liked this Sindhu. Lots of love to you too :) Take care !!

      Delete
  14. Ranu 80218 July 2014 at 18:49

    I liked the story would like to know what happened to the man.

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 22:57

      Let me see if I can extend this to another part Ranu. Thanks for visiting :)

      Delete
  15. Uma Anandane18 July 2014 at 21:24

    A fiction written with the fact in mind. Well narrated !

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  16. Aathira19 July 2014 at 01:09

    This is one sad tale :( A little something from our side can go a long way in helping others. I love the way you have narrated it, Jyotsna :)

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 23:02

      Yes, just a little something from our side could mean a lot to some people. Glad you liked this attempt dear :)

      Delete
  17. Unknown19 July 2014 at 13:58

    sad tale and beautifully narrated... :(
    Let's pray that everyone gets a comfortable and cozy shelter to stay in...
    Visit My Blog HERE

    ReplyDelete
  18. The Side I Hide19 July 2014 at 16:56

    :( How beautifully you have brought out such a painful story in five sentences!

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  19. Unknown20 July 2014 at 17:18

    A lovely tale.

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  20. Ankur Anand21 July 2014 at 00:21

    some poor people :( .. life is never easy i guess !

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  21. Shailaja V21 July 2014 at 11:31

    This is tragic :( And such a cruel reality as well!

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 23:36

      Yes, a cruel reality of so many people around us :(

      Delete
  22. Vinodini21 July 2014 at 15:05

    Sometimes when we refuse to help people, we really don't see their genuine need for help. Sad but true. A very unique take on the prompt.

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 23:38

      Yes, genuineness gets lost in fake world out there. Thanks Vinodini :)

      Delete
  23. Vinitha23 July 2014 at 23:20

    Tragic story beautifully told!

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  24. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 23:23

    It sure is a ruthless place. Thanks Vishal :)

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  25. Jyotsna Bhatia26 July 2014 at 23:29

    Amen. Hope it rains a miracle !!

    ReplyDelete

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