Saturday, 14 March 2015

A step toward the 'new' me

It was the monsoon of July 2012. Outside, it was pouring and so was my heart. It was bleeding actually. Somebody very dear, somebody who used to be my emotional anchor had backstabbed leaving me cold and blue. You sometimes get so attached to people and are so blinded by their presence in your life, that you can hardly reckon with a situation of them going away. It's as if you have never imagined life without them. You are so sure of their lifelong company that when they actually leave, the first reaction is shock, followed by denial and then comes the all encompassing sadness. The phase where you are literally lost in your life. The phase where thinking about living life without them, about getting up every day and doing the mundane tasks of even continuing life seem like a burden. And you have done everything to pull yourself together but in vain. I had done the same but nothing seemed to help.

A friend seeing my state of mind asked me to get some change saying that it should help me get out of the vicious cycle I had gotten myself into. Somehow her words stuck to my heart. I decided to get a place of my own and start living independently. Coming from a family where the mother gets anxious when you are late even for a few minutes, convincing them to let me go live in another city all alone was going to be a herculean task. Now I stay in one city and travel for three hours every day to reach my office to another. That is another herculean task I used to put up with. 

When I first broke the news that I wanted to go and stay alone, there was complete mayhem around. And the situation went from complete mayhem, to anxiety, to seeking the reason behind this bold step, to convincing me to change my decision, to coaxing and even emotional blackmail at some level. But I guess there was something inside me that was craving for change and hence I stood firm. 

Reluctantly, they agreed. After numerous trips for finding a proper rented accommodation agreeable to all the family members, a two bedroom flat was zeroed down upon. The formalities for renting the accommodation were completed and I moved into what can be called my first stint away from the protected atmosphere of my family where I have lived all my life.

I spent the most wonderful six months of my life in that rented place. Managing the entire house, cooking, cleaning and other stuff gave me a new thrill. The anxiety whether I would be able to live alone and manage things on my own was replaced by the confidence that all you need is the belief in yourself to overcome all the fears inside you. Going from a complete emotional wreck because of the sudden loss of somebody very near to living alone in a new city on my own was a journey I will cherish. 

Of course the journey was laden with outbursts; of course there were times when I completely broke down on smallest of the things like burning a chapatti while cooking thinking about my non capability to do anything on my own. But things changed. I changed. And at the end of six months, I emerged as a new person. The bold decision of leaving my family and staying on my own in the midst of complete emotional breakdown paid off amazingly and I am glad I had the courage to take that step and #StartANewLife.

This is my official post inspired by - #StartANewLife.
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  1. We all learn when we start a new life ... beautiful post.

  2. "The confidence that all you need is the belief in yourself to overcome all the fears inside you"is the message of this wonderful post that tells a story of grit & determinatin.Kudos to you !

  3. It was a good move to change the location not only to avoid long commuting but to move away from the bitter experience. and in the process turned into a confident person to face life

  4. I am glad you started a new life and had a lovely one too!!
    We all could relate to this.

  5. so relatable .. all the best for new life .. :)

  6. I wish I can do the same but you know...
    Have a great journey ahead. Big hugs, Jyotsna!

    1. Thank you Meera. Big warm hugs back :)

  7. There is a thrill in finding the best friend within yourself. As they say, when you are happy with yourself, you shall never be lonely even when alone! Beautiful post! :)


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