You know this person's story

I saw this image on instagram some months ago and my perspective towards individuals changed. I stopped myself in the middle of every conversation I was having in my mind about any person or situation and said just this one line to myself. – “You don't know his/her story. Why judge. Who knows what is making them do what they are doing or the way they are.” And that stopped every judgmental thought that came to my mind. 

Although, my behaviour never reflects my thoughts for the person or situation, like everyone else, I have erred many times. I still do. But now, I catch my thought process and stop my thoughts in the bud about people, about situations. It is exhilarating in some ways, seeing yourself free away from the clutches of your ‘sometimes’ judgmental self. 

But there is one person I cannot spare judgement on. There in one person who I judge the harshest, who I question the most, who I criticize the worst. I don't cut this person any slack, any time. Although, I know, I shouldn't. Although I know this person gets affected the most by my words and yet, yet I do not relent. I do not give up any opportunity for being anything but cruel to this person. And guess what, I know this person's entire story. I know the circumstances, the weaknesses, the struggle, the effort and yet I am hard. And these talks of 'Stop it, you actually know this person's story' do not work. 

And after I am done, what remains is an ashen bitterness in my mouth that rises from the gut and thoughts that feel toxic, as if they are covering my entire body. 

That person is ME. And all the pages about self-love, quotes about not being hard on yourself, posts saying that you are doing good today - do not work. They just don't. Out of all the love I have inside me for all the people I love in this world, I cannot spare any for this person.