Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Five Sentence Fiction - Dazzles


As a head-maid, she rushed around the house entire day overlooking the preparations for birthday party celebration to be held in evening.

She knew everything had to be perfect right from decorations, food, cake and return gifts because her madam wouldn’t take anything less than that.

While serving the guests, a quick look and tears rolled down her cheeks seeing her daughter who dazzled in her pink birthday frock looking every inch of a fairy while blowing two candles on her Barbie doll shaped cake.

She knew that being addressed as a maid by her own daughter for entire life was worth the pain because the well-to-do life her daughter was getting at the house where she had been faithfully serving was something she could never have been able to give.

After all, what more can a mother’s heart desire than a child’s wellbeing!!





This five sentence fiction is written for the topic 'Dazzles' at Lillie McFerrinWrites.
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50 comments:

  1. Aathira2 July 2014 at 00:39

    I didn't see that one coming, Jyotsna! A nice take on the prompt capturing one of the most sacred relations- a mother's love!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia13 July 2014 at 01:23

      Thanks a lot dear :) Yes, there is nothing more sacred than a mother's love !!

      Delete
  2. Vinodini2 July 2014 at 09:46

    This was one dazzling post Jyotsna! The end was quite moving. After all what else would a mother wish than seeing her child getting the best in life.

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  3. Red Handed2 July 2014 at 10:18

    The twist.. I could have never thought of that!

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  4. the little princess2 July 2014 at 10:19

    uh oh i didn't see that coming! sad!! but well written!

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  5. Donna Burman2 July 2014 at 15:24

    Wow.. What a twist.. Totally unexpected!!

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  6. Aayesha S Hakim2 July 2014 at 17:08

    This was unexpected! Good twist, Jyotsna :)

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  7. Bikram2 July 2014 at 18:41

    ohhh now that was totally unexpected ... Nice one ..


    Bikram

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia13 July 2014 at 01:26

      Thanks Bikram. Glad to see you here everytime :)

      Delete
  8. Midnight scribbles2 July 2014 at 22:03

    :( why?! I no like this :/

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia13 July 2014 at 01:27

      Well, poverty dear.. It makes people do things that they dont wish to do :(

      Delete
  9. Tina Basu3 July 2014 at 10:48

    wow such a nice post Jyotsna. Beautiful at the end
    Tina from The Sunny Side of Life

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  10. Ankur Anand4 July 2014 at 01:57

    ah the twist .. liked it .. !

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  11. Chaitali Bose Bhattacharjee4 July 2014 at 12:17

    Beautiful

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  12. Sakshi4 July 2014 at 14:52

    You make me want to know the full story. Give it more than 5 sentences, will you?

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia13 July 2014 at 01:29

      Well, I would surely give it a try Sakshi :)

      Delete
  13. Sindhu Devi K4 July 2014 at 18:21

    Oh, No!! Can something like this happen??? You writers make us move just with a single word! Brilliant one Jyotsna! TC! Keep smiling :)

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia13 July 2014 at 01:31

      Well, yes it can happen Sindhu. And "You writers make us move just with a single word! " - Thank you so much for this line :) :)

      Delete
  14. Namrota4 July 2014 at 18:35

    That was an unexpected twist. :)

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  15. Hemu4 July 2014 at 23:53

    Does the little girl know that she is her mother (biological one)?

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia13 July 2014 at 01:33

      Hemu, she is too young to know about all this. As you can read above that she is just celebrating her 2nd birthday. So no, she doesn't know as of yet !!

      Delete
  16. Maniparna5 July 2014 at 01:50

    The twist was really unexpected...but it was really dramatic... nice one..

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia13 July 2014 at 01:34

      Yeah, I like a bit of drama ;) Thank you Maniparna :) :)

      Delete
  17. Rat5 July 2014 at 04:29

    One good twist.. :)

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  18. mysundrynotes5 July 2014 at 10:38

    the twist depicting sacrifice !! love it ;) !

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  19. Saima5 July 2014 at 23:05

    Awesum... Blend of words simply brings a smile and a tinge of pain as well
    Keep writing :)

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  20. Shail7 July 2014 at 09:33

    That was a bit of a surprise ending. Good one. :)

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  21. Anita Sabat8 July 2014 at 00:38

    Gosh Jyotsna! What a twist in the tale!
    Well done, as usual :)

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia6 October 2014 at 18:23

      Thanks a lot Anita !! Glad you liked it dear :)

      Delete
  22. Shilpa Garg8 July 2014 at 10:32

    Oh! That was bitter-sweet. A wonderful story in 5 sentences. Will there be a sequel to it? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia6 October 2014 at 18:31

      Thanks Shilpa. Well, let me see if I can put up a sequel to this :)

      Delete
  23. Stephanie Faris9 July 2014 at 02:23

    Great job! I didn't expect that surprise at the end. I loved it...and I can imagine it leading to an entire book.

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    Replies
    1. Jyotsna Bhatia6 October 2014 at 18:40

      Thanks a lot Stephanie. Glad you liked this so much :)

      Delete
  24. Vandana Sharma9 July 2014 at 10:31

    A mother's love is selfless and unconditional, just to see her smile will give the mother all the happiness in the world. Thank you for the encouragement:)

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  25. Shailaja V12 July 2014 at 17:53

    Beyond beautiful. Well captured!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Anonymous3 August 2014 at 13:25

    Goose bumps! Speechless. Such is love of a mother. Beautiful Jyotsna :)

    ReplyDelete

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