Indecisive

Two edges pulling me apart

Insurgence of mayhem within this heart

Incertitude all around

With helplessness I am bound

Like a flame on last few drops of oil

My belief flickers in its own turmoil

Reality engulfed in its full-blown darkness

Bit by bit desiccating all of my strength

A tug from this side, a tug from there

Stuck in a quagmire in the middle of nowhere

Keep holding on to my intractable faith

Or should I become pliant for kin’s sake

That thing on the left, should it be heard

Or should the grey matter be allowed to have the final word

Articulate in my thoughts I haven’t been since long

Floating on thin ice, I ain’t looking oh-so-strong...!

 

Image Source: Google

That wasn't what I meant - 33 words

Dejected and weary

I look up at the sky

Laden with a heavy sigh

‘Can it get worse?’ I cry

You took it as challenge

Poured all your strength

But trust me, Life

That wasn’t what I meant

This week’s prompt from Trifecta  was to add 33 words in addition to and preceding the following prompt: ‘That wasn’t what I meant.’

Twenty Eight and Single – #ConditionSeriousHai

Today, my poor blog baby is about to witness its first official rant. Rant against some people jinki condition serious hai. My tongue is in a mood to whiplash. And let me tell you, all the characters mentioned here are not fictitious at all and definitely bear resemblance to a person living (who isn’t dead coz I don’t wanna write remaining of my posts on jail walls). So after you read this, if it feels that this post has been directed at you, then you are probably absolutely correct for once. Because, I am directing this at you. Read. Re-read if it doesn’t go in your head and once it goes down, please retreat to the safe chambers of your gossip gang but without the holding the baton against me.  So here it goes.

To my neighborhood aunties and some so-called relatives – inki #ConditionSeriousHai  

Yes, I am twenty eight year old  and still single. Yeah, now keep those eyebrows at their place and close that mouth of yours. My dear neighborhood aunties and relatives, I am so glad that your daughters got married when they were twenty three. Good for them. Good for you too. But that doesn’t decide what age I should be getting married. No. If you think that your daughter getting married earlier than me gives you a right to comment on what should be the right age for a woman to settle down, then let me tell you, ki aapki condition serious hai. By the way kuch lete kyun nai? Like some sense? You know why? Because there is no such right age. Shocking isn’t it? It is, because the right age for me to get married would be when I think I am ready for it. Surprise Surprise. I get to decide that. So now deal with it. And hey by the way, I am just twenty eight and not forty. So get your calculations right. I am really not that old that it should set your panic alarms ringing every time you see me. 

And when you keep on pestering my family about the repercussions of my ‘late’ marriage (which by the way is ‘late’ according to your standards, not mine), your serious condition becomes ever more grave. So, just stop freaking my family out, will ya? 

And your emotional atyachar about what would happen to my younger brothers and sisters if I don’t get married soon literally bores me to death. They are above eighteen and can get married whenever and whoever they want to. Do you think I would have stopped them if they ever wanted to? No. Never. I would be happy if they decide to do it before me. I get another chance to celebrate for them. So before your grave condition becomes even irreversibly damaged, kuch karte kyun nai? Like minding your own business?

And by the way, I just forgot to mention that I am not having an affair anywhere. Oh God, did I just rob you of your topic to bitch on for the next kitty party? Tch.. Tch.. Sorry. But, now since you have the word from me, why don’t you just stop whispering behind my back saying that’s the reason I am not getting married anywhere. And hey, even if that was the case, it is again me who decides when and whom I choose to get married to. Okay. So, let me remind you once again, ke aapki condition seriously very very serious hai. Kuch sochte kyun nai? Like something more meaningful for your own life?

To my dear ‘just’ acquaintances – inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai

My weekends are very special to me. Because that’s the time when I rewind with friends and family, when I write and when I basically laze around. So, my dear acquaintances, if you believe that hunting a guy for an arranged marriage every weekend counts in my idea of having fun on a weekend, then aapki condition about idea of fun is seriously very serious. 

Remember, I took a few days off last time. I did not go and meet any guy for the arranged marriage set up. No, I did not. Disappointing, isn’t it? It is to me too. When every time I come back from a holiday, the first question that gets directed to me is how was the guy which ‘you’ think I would have gone to meet. And when I say I haven’t taken a leave for that purpose, don’t give me that ‘knowing’ smile of yours. It angers me even more. That plastic smile of mine? That’s not a smile. That’s my way of telling you to just shut up and mull over your own critical condition because my holidays are not reserved to be spent only for husband hunting.

And, when you hear any of my friends getting engaged or married, your question about when am I giving you a chance to feast at my wedding has become such cliché. Hey, you know what, come this Sunday, let me treat you to a hearty lunch at a good restaurant if that’s the only reason why you want to see me married. But next time you throw me this question, I will purposely delete you from my guest list whenever I decide to get married. Because aisi serious condition mein, you shouldn’t go out too often. Tab tak, kuch lete kyun nai? Like a good look at your own affairs.

Dear acquaintances, when you ask me how many guys have I seen (seen as in for the arranged marriage set up) till date for the so-called ‘arranged marriage’ thingy, my answer ‘chal raha hai’ is just a polite way of saying that’s none of your bloody business. So just back off and nurse yourself. Because apki condition na, badi serious hai ji.  

To some ‘friends’ – Yes, inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai

Read this conversation I had on Facebook chat:

Friend: Hi. How are you?

Me: Hey, M good. Long time. How are you?

Friend: I am fine. Where are you these days?

Me: I am in Ahmedabad itself. How about you?

Friend: Are you married?

Me: Not yet. Happily Single.

Friend: Oh. Why? Why aren’t you married till date?

Me: *No reply*

Friend: Arrey, you should get married by now na. Why are you single?

Me: Coz I am on a mission to save Mother Earth from the impending attack of Mars and the reason I am not getting married is that when I receive a call for performing my divine duty of saving our Mother earth, I shouldn’t be stuck within a pile of utensils to be washed or laundry to be done. J

Friend: *No reply*

Me: You there?

Me (ten minutes later): It was nice talking to you by the way.

Yes, this conversation actually happened with a friend from school who I haven’t seen or talked to since ages. I mean why, just why is my marital status such great concern? And this was not just an off-hand chat that I had. A similar kind happened not once, not twice but thrice. Yes, it did. The only common thing between them being me not knowing those friends too well.

For friends who I have better contact with and who have had such conversations with me, just to let you know that if I steer the conversation into some other direction then that is my way of asking you not to enter into that territory. Please understand. After all, I don’t want ke apki bi condition serious ho jaaye.

Now that all seriously serious people have been warned by me, it’s time for me to hope that they get well soon. And till the time that happens, I am *off to saving Mother Earth from the impending attack from Mars*

This post is exclusively written for ‘#ConditionSeriousHai!’ contest powered by Cadbury 5 Star and Indiblogger. Check out their facebook page here: Cadbury 5 Star Facebook page                

Third Time Charm - Liebster III

The mere mention of the word ‘award’ brings a smile on the face. There are some like the ones given by mommy on successful completion of homework or minding your manners when guests are around or daddy for getting good marks. They are something which most of us have received. Then, there are some like receiving filmfares available to only a chosen privileged few. And then, there are some like ‘Liebster’ received by this awesome community of bloggers. I received two of my Liebsters from amazing fellow bloggers Sreeja Praveen and Sreesha Divakaran. I wrote about them here.                                                                                      

But an award is an award. As many times you receive it is always welcome ;) Somewhere, it is an indication that your writings are being liked somewhere. There are some fellow bloggers who come and read you everytime you put up some blabber and yet find it interesting enough to come back again.

So, when Inspirational Romance Writer, Aayesha Hakim presented me with my third Liebster here, I was all ‘smiles’. She wrote this before nominating fellow bloggers for this award – “To the people I have nominated above: Congratulations! The reason behind me nominating you is, I enjoy reading your blog and you deserve a lot more subscribers. Keep writing!”

The sheer simplicity and honesty of her words above make you feel warmer. So, dear Aayesha, thank you for considering me for this award. I love reading your blog too and hope you too win over many more readers.

The rules of accepting a Liebster are stated in my earlier post which I mentioned above. There was some confusion about nominating fellow bloggers again. I read somewhere that I can present this award to ten bloggers just once. But I also came across posts where bloggers have nominated others every time they receive this award. Since I have nominated fellow bloggers already, I wouldn’t be doing it again. But, yes I am all set to answer the volley of questions posed by Aayesha. So here we go !

1.   What would you wish to name a movie about your life?

That’s easy. The movie name should ofcourse be ‘Dreams and Dimensions’

2.   What is YOUR favorite blog post from YOUR blog? Link please!

Oh, Aayesha,  you are asking a mother to choose her favourite child. Very difficult. But still if I had to give it a shot, I think it would be 'Halfway' and 'A Closet full of Memories'

3.   What is the best piece of life advice you could give to someone?

    All I would say is, “Don’t hold back. Do things that make you happy. At the end, it’s just once that we get to live.   

4.   Worst thing a person can do to you?

Worst thing a person can do to me or for that matter to anybody else is judge me without knowing the real me. I literally loathe people who keep on passing judgments without knowing the story of other people.   

5.   Give me a description of what you see when you look out of the window this very moment!

    You wouldn’t believe where am I writing this post. I am travelling by train and its awesome morning sunshine over lush green fields that please my vision right this moment.

6.   What do you think about my blog? ;)

   Aayesha - The inspirational romance writer. I recently discovered your blog and have loved your writings since then. I just can’t imagine myself doing a post everyday of the month. So, kudos to you for completing the UBC. All the best for spinning more and more beautiful yarns of words. Lovely to have known somebody like you.   

7.   Items on your bucket list?

    As a writer, the most obvious thing is getting published. And few others are to visit Vegas, to have a tattoo and own a sea-facing house with a room full of my favourite books. That’s it ;)

8.   What is the thing you do at the end of your day just before going to bed?

     Most of the times, Facebook and Twitter gets the privilege :P But, yes, better sense prevails sometimes and I do think and decide about what am I supposed to do for the next day, which by the way never happens as planned :P :P

9.   Anything that you would want to change about yourself?

A better metabolism would be great :P

10.       Do you agree with popular belief that a man is ruled by his head and a woman by her heart?

I think women are too complex to be simplified in that one line of just being ruled by our hearts :P And, I don’t think it can be stereotyped in today’s times about how one behaves, whatever be the gender.

                                             

11 .       What according to you is the problem most of the youths face today?

Well, the problems are myriad. Starting from the fact that the android battery doesn’t last long to the pessimism about Indian politics :P But, on a more serious note, I think we (using the word ‘we’ considering that a 28 year old is still considered young :P ) want everything. Focus is what we probably lack.

Phew.. so, I am all done. Loved answering them Aayesha. J J

Writer's Block : Haiku

Image Source: Google

Blank page stares back

Medley of thoughts running all wild

Where do I begin?

* * * * *  

Where do I begin?

Ah, that thought I just caught

Let me just get going

* * * * *   

Let me just get going

Drops of words dribble down

Damn, not good enough

 * * * * *  

Damn, not good enough

Now, which thought should it be?

Blank page again I meet

Love Gone Wrong - 33 words

Her temper was blamed for their breakup. He was tagged into a facebook status announcing a wedding after three years of relationship. Alas, she had broken up with him only a year back.   

This post is written for Trifextra Week -102, where we are supposed to write 33 words about love gone wrong. But following words cannot be used –

love, sad, tears, wept, heart, pain

I Don't Know

BlogAdda's Spicy Saturday Picks

I don’t know if you ever miss me

But I do, every time I breathe

I don’t know if you ever think of me

But I do, every moment I am awake and even in my sleep

I don’t know if my pictures are still with you or you have kept them at bay

But I hold yours every single day

I don’t know if my gifts still you see

But I do, all the days of every week

I don’t know if without me, your life is ever a labyrinth

But mine becomes one, every single month

I don’t know if you would still call me someone dear

But I would, this and every upcoming year

I don’t know if you still love me

But I do with every ounce of life inside me

I don’t know if you would ever be back                                   

But I shall wait for you till infinity !!

Meeting Mr. Narendra Modi !!

You have seen him putting a state on World Map. You have heard media go gaga about his visions for development. You have heard about how good an administrator he is. You have read about him being called a leader in truest sense. You have heard people acknowledging him as the only hope for better India.

When people from other states praise the good roads or the cleanliness they see around in your city, you feel proud for being resident of that state. When you say that you work for his government, you see respect in their eyes because you are a part of the government that has been working for the betterment of its people ever since it came to power.

But, truth be told, you are just another employee working for the state government, like thousands of others. You are barely into the system with a meagre experience of 4.5 years in your kitty. Since past approximately three years, you have been a part of the editorial team of an in-house magazine published by your organization. A work that you love to be a part of simply because there you are doing something that you think you are best at. Write. The magazine being the only arena that leaves some room for creativity as well as a chance to hone your writing skills in a proper government set-up.   

And then you get a chance. A chance to see him. A chance to meet him in person. Because he would be unveiling an edition of your magazine which carries his article as the Cover Story. You are one of the people to have been chosen to go and witness the occasion. Be a part of the same. And all this happens so soon that you hardly get time to sink in what’s happening.

Mind it, all during the way to his office, you are confused and considering if you should opt out of all this because you are just a newbie official on the block. But, before you know, you are in the grandeur of his office. Awards won by various government offices lined up in the balcony, super tight security, the magnificence of the building that could put any five star hotel to shame, well defined procedures and zilch chances of blips make you wonder. You wait for the time slot allotted to you for the unveiling. While you wait, you are still discussing the rapidity of the sequence of events which have brought you here with your colleagues and still considering if you should stay right back and not go inside the cabin. But then, as they say, life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. So while you were discussing the chances of staying back, you are called inside with your Chairman, your CEO and your colleagues.

And then you step inside one of the most beautiful cabins you have seen in your entire life of being a government official, which ofcourse is still very nascent. But, you are still sure, you wouldn’t see anything as magnificent as that one simply because it belongs to the highest authority of your state government. While you are overwhelmed at the thought of it, you see him. His aura brightening the place much more than anything ever could. After that, whatever happens, happens probably in your inebriated state coz you are just awed by his persona. The work that you had come for - the magazine launch, it happens. But, all during this, your sub-conscious has noticed every single detail. The way he stood up from his table, the words he spoke to your Chairman, how the magazine was handed to him, unveiling of the magazine, what he spoke while he was unveiling the magazine, he handing some copies of the magazine to your Chairman who in-turn gives a copy to you and the camera going click click click.

And when you are out of that space, what remains is the hangover. The hangover of seeing Mr. Narendra Modi in person. The man for who rules the state government you have been working for. The man you have only seen on television, hoardings and newspapers. You have just met him, in person. You, a newbie government official who is still learning the ropes of the trade. And there, you got a chance to meet him.

Do you consider yourself lucky? Yes you do. Are you happy? No, you are elated. Aren’t you talking like a star struck fan who has just met her favourite star? Yes, you kinda are, coz for a newbie official, meeting the highest authority of your state government is no small feat. Are you ever going to forget the incident? Nope. Never. And hence this post. So that it remains etched. The incident. This incident of a young government official getting a chance to meet the highest authority of the state government she works for. The incident of me meeting Mr. Narendra Modi. *Beams*    

And by the way, this is the link to his website about the unveiling of the magazine.