Sunday, 23 February 2014

Twenty Eight and Single – #ConditionSeriousHai

Today, my poor blog baby is about to witness its first official rant. Rant against some people jinki condition serious hai. My tongue is in a mood to whiplash. And let me tell you, all the characters mentioned here are not fictitious at all and definitely bear resemblance to a person living (who isn’t dead coz I don’t wanna write remaining of my posts on jail walls). So after you read this, if it feels that this post has been directed at you, then you are probably absolutely correct for once. Because, I am directing this at you. Read. Re-read if it doesn’t go in your head and once it goes down, please retreat to the safe chambers of your gossip gang but without the holding the baton against me.  So here it goes.

To my neighborhood aunties and some so-called relatives – inki #ConditionSeriousHai  
Yes, I am twenty eight year old  and still single. Yeah, now keep those eyebrows at their place and close that mouth of yours. My dear neighborhood aunties and relatives, I am so glad that your daughters got married when they were twenty three. Good for them. Good for you too. But that doesn’t decide what age I should be getting married. No. If you think that your daughter getting married earlier than me gives you a right to comment on what should be the right age for a woman to settle down, then let me tell you, ki aapki condition serious hai. By the way kuch lete kyun nai? Like some sense? You know why? Because there is no such right age. Shocking isn’t it? It is, because the right age for me to get married would be when I think I am ready for it. Surprise Surprise. I get to decide that. So now deal with it. And hey by the way, I am just twenty eight and not forty. So get your calculations right. I am really not that old that it should set your panic alarms ringing every time you see me. 

And when you keep on pestering my family about the repercussions of my ‘late’ marriage (which by the way is ‘late’ according to your standards, not mine), your serious condition becomes ever more grave. So, just stop freaking my family out, will ya

And your emotional atyachar about what would happen to my younger brothers and sisters if I don’t get married soon literally bores me to death. They are above eighteen and can get married whenever and whoever they want to. Do you think I would have stopped them if they ever wanted to? No. Never. I would be happy if they decide to do it before me. I get another chance to celebrate for them. So before your grave condition becomes even irreversibly damaged, kuch karte kyun nai? Like minding your own business?

And by the way, I just forgot to mention that I am not having an affair anywhere. Oh God, did I just rob you of your topic to bitch on for the next kitty party? Tch.. Tch.. Sorry. But, now since you have the word from me, why don’t you just stop whispering behind my back saying that’s the reason I am not getting married anywhere. And hey, even if that was the case, it is again me who decides when and whom I choose to get married to. Okay. So, let me remind you once again, ke aapki condition seriously very very serious hai. Kuch sochte kyun nai? Like something more meaningful for your own life?

To my dear ‘just’ acquaintances – inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai
My weekends are very special to me. Because that’s the time when I rewind with friends and family, when I write and when I basically laze around. So, my dear acquaintances, if you believe that hunting a guy for an arranged marriage every weekend counts in my idea of having fun on a weekend, then aapki condition about idea of fun is seriously very serious. 

Remember, I took a few days off last time. I did not go and meet any guy for the arranged marriage set up. No, I did not. Disappointing, isn’t it? It is to me too. When every time I come back from a holiday, the first question that gets directed to me is how was the guy which ‘you’ think I would have gone to meet. And when I say I haven’t taken a leave for that purpose, don’t give me that ‘knowing’ smile of yours. It angers me even more. That plastic smile of mine? That’s not a smile. That’s my way of telling you to just shut up and mull over your own critical condition because my holidays are not reserved to be spent only for husband hunting.

And, when you hear any of my friends getting engaged or married, your question about when am I giving you a chance to feast at my wedding has become such cliché. Hey, you know what, come this Sunday, let me treat you to a hearty lunch at a good restaurant if that’s the only reason why you want to see me married. But next time you throw me this question, I will purposely delete you from my guest list whenever I decide to get married. Because aisi serious condition mein, you shouldn’t go out too often. Tab tak, kuch lete kyun nai? Like a good look at your own affairs.

Dear acquaintances, when you ask me how many guys have I seen (seen as in for the arranged marriage set up) till date for the so-called ‘arranged marriage’ thingy, my answer ‘chal raha hai’ is just a polite way of saying that’s none of your bloody business. So just back off and nurse yourself. Because apki condition na, badi serious hai ji.  

To some ‘friends’ – Yes, inki bhi #ConditionSeriousHai
Read this conversation I had on Facebook chat:
Friend: Hi. How are you?
Me: Hey, M good. Long time. How are you?
Friend: I am fine. Where are you these days?
Me: I am in Ahmedabad itself. How about you?
Friend: Are you married?
Me: Not yet. Happily Single.
Friend: Oh. Why? Why aren’t you married till date?
Me: *No reply*
Friend: Arrey, you should get married by now na. Why are you single?
Me: Coz I am on a mission to save Mother Earth from the impending attack of Mars and the reason I am not getting married is that when I receive a call for performing my divine duty of saving our Mother earth, I shouldn’t be stuck within a pile of utensils to be washed or laundry to be done. J
Friend: *No reply*
Me: You there?
Me (ten minutes later): It was nice talking to you by the way.

Yes, this conversation actually happened with a friend from school who I haven’t seen or talked to since ages. I mean why, just why is my marital status such great concern? And this was not just an off-hand chat that I had. A similar kind happened not once, not twice but thrice. Yes, it did. The only common thing between them being me not knowing those friends too well.

For friends who I have better contact with and who have had such conversations with me, just to let you know that if I steer the conversation into some other direction then that is my way of asking you not to enter into that territory. Please understand. After all, I don’t want ke apki bi condition serious ho jaaye.

Now that all seriously serious people have been warned by me, it’s time for me to hope that they get well soon. And till the time that happens, I am *off to saving Mother Earth from the impending attack from Mars*


This post is exclusively written for ‘#ConditionSeriousHai!’ contest powered by Cadbury 5 Star and Indiblogger. Check out their facebook page here: Cadbury 5 Star Facebook page                

52 comments:

  1. Waah ji waah! Count me into your party! :D I'm also bugged by exactly these *Aunties*,*Uncles* n *friends*! Inki toh #ConditionTotallySeriousHai! :D High-Five Jyotsna! :D

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    1. Haha.. Hi5 Amrita.. To aap bi pareshan hain inki serious condition se.. Tauba Tauba !! Welcome to the peedit party :P

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  2. haaha...my post was about aunties jinki condition serious hai :D

    All the best Jyotsna :)

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    1. Nabanita, just read your post. All the best to you too :)

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  3. Hilarious post. I wrote about Mr Pangalal :) best of luck for the contest.

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    1. Thank you Sulekha. Off to read yours. All the best to you too :)

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  4. aunties , are a super pain in the...
    all the best !

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    1. Yes they totally are !! Thank you Disha :)

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  5. This isn’t condition serious hai. These people need to be shot :) nice rant. Had fun reading it. Good luck for the contest Jyotsna. Forget these "mental" people. Let's save Ma Earth

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    1. Haha.. I want to Sid, but the fear of writing posts in jail stops me ;) Thank you and all the best to you too.. And yes, lets save Mother Earth ;)

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  6. Very hilarious post. A good lesson for those who so much concerned about others. Such ;aunties' are in great numbers every where.

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    1. Thanks a lot Ushaji. Glad you enjoyed it. Yes, they are plenty, everywhere around :)

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  7. areeeeeeeee...heheheh..I am 24 and abhise condition serious hai. I empathize with you my love!

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    1. :D :D 24? and abhi se? Guess you are stuck with some such aunties ;) Thanks darling, koi to hai saath mein :)

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  8. Nice post. Enjoyed reading it. :) :D

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    1. Thanks a lot Gaurab. Hope you had a good laugh :)

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  9. Unmarried ladki log jahan hain, wahan puri society ICU main sone lagti hai, ekdum serious condition main :D Wonderful dear :)
    Enjoy your life, serious logon ko kuch bhi kehne do;) Jo freedom ab milti hai, woh baad main nahin milegi :D

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    1. Haha.. ICU.. yes so true ;) Totally having fun with my life outta here ;)

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  10. Hahaha these aunties seem to be a muse for this #seriouscondition :D

    I loved the FB chat btw :). Also, to get married there is no right age. We need to have the right person to get married. Who cares if we are 23 or 43 at that time ;)

    All the best for the contest!

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    1. I swear their condition is critically serious Soumya. There. You said it. Absolutely agree that there has to be a right person to get married to. Thank you Soumya !!

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  11. Why are people more interested in others' life than theirs??? Disgusting habit! Before marriage, 'Why didn't you marry? When would you marry?' After marriage, 'Anything special?' After one baby, 'When are you going to think about another one?' Their questions are never ending!

    Well written Jyotsna! Best wishes for the contest!

    Regards,
    Sindhu
    Tantu
    The Arts & Me

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    1. I knowwww... Just why cant people be interested in their own life. Questions after questions. . And thoroughly irritating ones. Glad you enjoyed it Sindhu. Thanks a lot :)

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  12. Jyothi - I got married at 41 - so I know what you mean! ;)
    Thanks for leaving your link on the linky in post - you post the wrong link - which I have since amended. Did you have a problem commenting on my blog - some technical hitch? I can't seem to find your comment.

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    1. Hey Corine.. Oh, so you might have also faced these aunties for sure.. And thank you for the correction.

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  13. Muahh, meri sherni! Muahh! Give that lovely middle finger to all those who ask! (Sometimes I feel sad that God gave us only two middle fingers... Some people deserve to be shown so many more at the same time!)

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    1. Muaaah behena.. Borrowing your rebelliousness ;) Haha.. more than two middle fingers.. totally ;) How come I never thought about it ;) :D:D

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  14. Lol! Try being 30 and single... ;) Oh but the bonus is I'm not around all these aunties and uncles who impart their 'wisdom'. But what surprises me more is the friends who ask that via FB...as if marriage is the only ultimate goal for everyone! :-/

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    1. :0 Thank God atleast you are away from such people. Seriously, I mean why cant even friends understand this. And even I cant figure out why is getting married the only goal of life?

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  15. When are you getting married or when are you planning to start family? One of the most famous worries of some people...:)

    All the best!:)

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    1. Yes, Tarang these worries are so 'famous' that everyone around you is worried about this except you yourself, isn't is? Thanks a lot and all the best to you too :)

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  16. Jyotsna.....a salute to you gal! :D
    This post was so Bang on! :).......and about the prompt....you totally nailed it. :D :)
    This was indeed one hell of a post. Loved reading it .,..and would be reading it once again...haha!:D :D
    Awesome! :)

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    1. Thank you Nikhil. Glad you enjoyed this one so much. :D :D Hope you never face these so called serious people ;)

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    2. Naah , I am ok . So far so good. But dunno when it'll start. Maybe people are comfortable wid a boy being 24.Society should be mature enough to think the same about girls.Don't know when is that gonna happen. Marriage scares the living daylights out of me :p :p
      Don't know , kabse logo ki Condition serious hona start ho jaye O_o. But seriously I don't care what people say , specially neighbour aunties ko toh completely Ignore. They ought to "Get a life!"

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    3. Yes, the condition is a bit better for the guys I guess. And marriages scare living daylights out of everybody, not just you Nikhil :P And if someone's condition gets serious, make them read this post or write a new rant for yourself :P

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  17. I remember the same pain I went thru before I got married...loved ur post :)

    All the best!

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    1. I guess its kahaani ghar ghar ki ;) Thank you dear and all the best to you too.

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  18. Hi Jyotsna,congratulations on presenting an all time prevailing problem in humour and,at the same time allerting the reader whether he himself is not in a 'serious condition'.However the problem posed is a small price for being Jara Hatke!

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    1. Thank you Vijay. Glad you enjoyed this one :)

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  19. Lovely Jyotsna! Candidly expressed with all correct points. I know coz I have been through though I got married very young :)
    These people's Condition is really Serious! Even I mentioned about the match-fixers who are forever ready, even at fish-market! God save the poor souls from them!:)
    Let us have 5 Star & enjoy :)

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    1. I guess this is a societal disease we are talking about here ;) And yes, I read about your serious conditioned people ;) Cheers and lets have a 5 Star. All the best Anita :)

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  20. Conditions are really serious all around you :-p Lovely post, and so true ... people should start minding their own affairs rather than poking nose into what we want to do or how we want to live ... all the best for the contest :-)

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    1. Haha.. Yes, Amrit condition is totally serious around me :P And I agree, people should totally start minding their own business or else get featured here ;) :P Thanks a lot Amrit.. Hope you enjoyed the read.

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  21. Awwww ,
    Dont you just wanna slap them
    Or pumle them
    And then you realise they are not worth the energy.
    Really enjoyed the post
    All the best

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    1. They are so not worth the energy Disha. Thanks a lot for being here :)

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  22. Had fun reading your rant Jyotsna. Condition kaafi serious hai. Been there. Done that. So can totally empathize with everything you have written about these aunts. Good luck for the contest :)

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    1. Sigh.. Another victim of someone else's serious condition spotted :P :P Pata nai ye desh kab badlega :P:P Btw, Thanks Avada and happy to have you here :)

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  23. hahahahaha!!!!! loved your rant! and am so in tune with it. Here's hoping that you win this !

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    1. :D :D Welcome to the peedit gang :P Thanks a lot for your wishes. Fingers crossed :)

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  24. Hey...I loved reading this post ....wonderful..keep writing

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    1. Thank you Vaishali. Glad you liked this :)

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  25. Bwahaha I had fun reading this one :D the fb chat was the best thing. Really I hate it when ppl mssg on fb like that uff. Kya problem hai!
    Haha loved the way every kind got a special mention :D

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    1. Thanks Sabeeha.. Glad you enjoyed :D I swear, I mean fb friends asking such question is so irksome.. Trust me, I have met every kind :P

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