The 'Attachments'

You can't save me. Nobody can. I know you are concerned. I can sense that concern in your actions and words; sometimes words aren’t even necessary. I can sense that in the way you look at me when I say something really casual. But that 'casual' has deeper meanings which mostly people around don’t understand. But fortunately or otherwise, you do.

I also know you are attached. So am I. But that's the word I dread these days. 'Attachment'. You know why? Coz it weakens me. This 'attachment'. For people, this sense of attachment becomes their strength. It was mine too; at one point of time. Not anymore though. Every attachment weakens me today. Because of my inherent nature, I have the habit of holding my 'attachments' fervently, carefully weaving them in my thoughts and life, making a brilliant pattern out of them and with them, the one that only I can understand and admire. But I also know they are weak links inside me. I become undone like any woolen fabric when you pull a string of its intricately woven design. Because, every string is attached to another and it is the combined strength of these strings that hold the fabric together. My 'attachments' hold me too. But every single 'attachment' I seem to have is also like that string in the woolen fabric which has the power to pull me apart. And I dread, that at the end of it all, I am going to be nothing but a quagmire of unwoven strings, messed in itself to an extent where it becomes almost impossible to untangle it, to make any sense or purpose out of it.

I know you want to help me. But you shouldn’t. I have to fight my own battles. I have fought them till now. I know I haven’t won all of them. But I have fought, sometimes thoughtfully and sometimes otherwise. And I shall continue them. 

Besides, there is not a long way to go anymore. The destination lurks nearby. I can sense it, feel it, maybe I would be able to see it soon. But before I reach there, I need to pull all my strings back to myself, start the process of detachment and stop letting myself getting undone anymore. Because when it is time to leave, I do not wish to be held back by the combined strength of these strings.      

Written for Three Word Wednesday Week No. 407 – Brilliant, Fervent, Thoughtful