Relationship Advice Gone Wrong

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“5..4..3..2..1... And the winner for ‘Stupidity Contest’ is Ragjivanram.” - blurted out the radio jockeys Neha and Shahid in unison. It was April Fool’s day and they were having a blast with the city of Bangalore. A contest was hosted by ‘Radio Masti’ on their morning show ‘Subah Suhaani’ hosted by Neha and Shahid. Both of them were at the evening show to announce the contest winners. In the contest, the listeners had to give a whacky question and the hosts gave them even wackier answers.

Ragjivanram hadn’t heard the announcement of him being the winner on Radio. He didn’t even know he was a part of April Fool’s Day contest. He had been probed my Shankar, his fellow peon at the campus of Piramal Institute of Medicine to ask his problem on radio. Shankar had seen young boys and girls do that in campus and when Ragjivanram told him about his anxiety over drinks last evening, Shankar told him he could find the solution of his problem on radio. He told him that the students on the campus did that quite often and they used to discuss the advice they got from radio. Ragjivanram was convinced. After all, he wasn’t too sober to think things through.

Shankar gave him the number of the radio station where he could ask his question. The next morning, Ragjivanram called up the radio station. After a few attempts, he was on line.

‘Hallo, I Ragjivanram’

‘Hello Ragjivanram, welcome to Radio Masti. Where are you from?’

‘I am from Bangalore’

‘Hahaa.. We know you are from Bangalore. But where are you speaking from Bangalore’

‘I from Piramal Institute of Medicine’

‘Ok. Cool Cool.. What’s your question?’

‘I problem with my wife. She go to clean quarter and cook for one Professor house on campus. I no like the Professor. He keep seeing my wife. I don’t like he looks at my wife. I told no to wife to go there. She no listen. She says she need money. Professor very dirty. My wife simple. She no understand his bad looks. I tell her. She no understand. I teach Professor lesson. What to do?’

‘Whoaa, Whoaa, Whooaa.. We have some jealousy issues here. By the way, Ragji-van-ram, right? Ok Ragjivanramji, firstly I really like the way you speak in your broken English. Hahaha.. Anyways, now coming to your problem, I think you need to teach that Professor some lessons. Why don’t you go to that Professor’s house instead of your wife today and given him some hard lessons. Like mixing something in his food. Kuch mila do unke khaane mein. Teach him the lesson Mr. Ram. Unko sabak sikhao. Show him that you love your wife. Aap apne wife ko love karte hain ye bataiye uss professor ko. I hope Mr. Ram I would have solved your problem. Hahaha.. goodbye..’

And the line went off.

Ragjivanram couldn’t understand most of the talk. All he could understand was ‘kuch mila do unke khane mein’. He was even more confused now. Last evening’s hangover was persistent.

*******

'I really really liked the way he was jealous for his wife. And his english was amazing, What do you think Shahid?'. 

'I cant agree more Neha. And your advice. haha.. was crazy.. Hope the professor would have learnt some lessons coming in and out of the toilet.. hahaha... Lets call him up and let him know he is the winner.'

It was 8.30 pm. The phone in the administrative building rang and was picked up by Ramesh who was the clerk there.

‘Hello, we are calling up from Radio Masti. Can we talk to Mr. Ragjivanram. He is the contest winner of the April Fool’s Day contest we held this morning. Can you please put me to him.’

‘What contest? Ragjivanram not here. We have had a crime in the Institute. Somebody has poisoned Professor Dayal today. Police says somebody mixed poison in his food. Please call later. I will tell Ragjivanram. Bye’

At Radio Masti, Neha’s face had lost its colour.

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda