Friday, 9 May 2014

Five Sentence Fiction - Doors

Scorching May sun was still shining harshly and she was drenched inspite of having the window seat in her everyday bus she took after work.

Ah, she breathed some relief finally seeing her stop arrive after waiting endlessly for the bus to wade at snail’s pace through congested city traffic.

She let others get down before her and was the last one to alight the bus for that particular stop. She closed the bus door quickly as the vehicles behind the bus honked hard.  

Just as she turned around, the bus moved, and the last thing she felt was a huge bang of the bus door on the back of her head !!




P.S. - This is my first attempt at Five Sentence Fiction. The prompt was Doors

34 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Arey fir she died na! Thats y i wrote 'the last thing she felt'

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  2. Assuming from the labels.....it means she died :(

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    1. Yes, she died Red :( You guessed it correct !

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  3. i second red on this opinion !

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, Red guessed it correctly, Ankur !!

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  4. Ouch! Poor thing.

    First attempt, passed with flying colors! :D

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  5. Good one...quite a bit captured in five sentences :)

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  6. Good one.. But that was a sudden death.. I guess it can find a place in top 100 weird ways of dying :D

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  7. Poor thing. Ek toh five sentences ki life thi bechari ki and you gave her such a painful death after slow traffic wala torture.

    Bhagwaan tumhein kabhi maaf nahi karenge :p

    Cheers
    CRD

    Updated my blog. Do drop by.
    www.scriptedinsanity.blogspot.in

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha.. Haaye raam ye maine kya kar diya :P Dropping by soon :)

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  8. A different take on the prompt.. a sad end she met with.

    I too wrote my first five sentence fiction this time. :)

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  9. Oh bapre!!! that was shockingly painful.. :(

    Such brilliance in first attempt. Wow!

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  10. Interesting but a bit sad. Here in Ecuador we recently had a woman run over by the bus she was exiting. Fact can be stranger than fiction.

    Good job for your first #FSF.

    D.B. McNicol
    Romance & Mystery...writing my life

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    Replies
    1. Whoaa.. Fact surely can be stranger than fiction! Thanks Donna.

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  11. Ouch!! If your times up, your times up. Great story, capturing her discomfort in the heat and the bustle of the journey. x

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    Replies
    1. Yeah... and you never know when the time is up!! Thanks Lizzie :)

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  12. Oh God! sometimes unexpected things happen for the people who are being right :(
    priya raj - http://pencilstripes.blogspot.com/2014/05/being-mother-is-attitude.html

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  13. Ouch! And it's over. So like real life.

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  14. Ouch!! Sad!! Very well written in jus few lines..

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