Scorching
May sun was still shining harshly and she was drenched inspite of having the
window seat in her everyday bus she took after work.
Ah,
she breathed some relief finally seeing her stop arrive after waiting endlessly
for the bus to wade at snail’s pace through congested city traffic.
She
let others get down before her and was the last one to alight the bus for that
particular stop. She closed the bus door quickly as the vehicles behind the bus
honked hard.
Just
as she turned around, the bus moved, and the last thing she felt was a huge bang
of the bus door on the back of her head !!
P.S.
- This is my first attempt at Five Sentence Fiction. The prompt was Doors
oops ... phir kya hua?
ReplyDeleteArey fir she died na! Thats y i wrote 'the last thing she felt'
DeleteAssuming from the labels.....it means she died :(
ReplyDeleteYes, she died Red :( You guessed it correct !
Deletei second red on this opinion !
ReplyDeleteYeah, Red guessed it correctly, Ankur !!
DeleteUh oh! that was sad.
ReplyDeleteIt was !!
DeleteOuch! Poor thing.
ReplyDeleteFirst attempt, passed with flying colors! :D
Aww.. Thanks babes !!
DeleteGood one...quite a bit captured in five sentences :)
ReplyDeleteThanks dear.. :)
DeleteGood one.. But that was a sudden death.. I guess it can find a place in top 100 weird ways of dying :D
ReplyDeleteHaha.. Well .. If you say :P
DeletePoor thing. Ek toh five sentences ki life thi bechari ki and you gave her such a painful death after slow traffic wala torture.
ReplyDeleteBhagwaan tumhein kabhi maaf nahi karenge :p
Cheers
CRD
Updated my blog. Do drop by.
www.scriptedinsanity.blogspot.in
Hahaha.. Haaye raam ye maine kya kar diya :P Dropping by soon :)
DeleteA different take on the prompt.. a sad end she met with.
ReplyDeleteI too wrote my first five sentence fiction this time. :)
Thanks Nibha !
DeleteOh bapre!!! that was shockingly painful.. :(
ReplyDeleteSuch brilliance in first attempt. Wow!
Interesting but a bit sad. Here in Ecuador we recently had a woman run over by the bus she was exiting. Fact can be stranger than fiction.
ReplyDeleteGood job for your first #FSF.
D.B. McNicol
Romance & Mystery...writing my life
Whoaa.. Fact surely can be stranger than fiction! Thanks Donna.
DeleteOuch!! If your times up, your times up. Great story, capturing her discomfort in the heat and the bustle of the journey. x
ReplyDeleteYeah... and you never know when the time is up!! Thanks Lizzie :)
DeleteOh God! sometimes unexpected things happen for the people who are being right :(
ReplyDeletepriya raj - http://pencilstripes.blogspot.com/2014/05/being-mother-is-attitude.html
Yep. Absolutely correct Priya!!
DeleteMaar dala!
ReplyDeleteLol. Sorry !! Aur kuch sujha nai :P
DeleteOuch! And it's over. So like real life.
ReplyDeleteYep. The real life !!
DeleteOh no.. that is sad .. :(
ReplyDeleteBikram
:(
DeleteOuch!! Sad!! Very well written in jus few lines..
ReplyDeleteThanks Meera !!
Delete